Archive for March, 2011

What are we doing?

Hi. it’s me, the one that has always been here. my question to you, is what are we doing? i still have feelings for you, even though i told you i don’t. i know you still have feelings for me, and i really do wish we could be together. being with you was some of the happiest times for me. but everything you put me through has also made it some of the worst. i want to be with you, and every time you try to kiss me, i turn away, not because i dont want to kiss you back, but because it wouldn’t be right, and you know it. so what are you trying to do? why do we still talk? i act like i dont care when you talk about other girls because we are “just friends” but let’s be honest, it kills us both. if it weren’t for her, we could be together. but you still love her. and i don’t want to love you anymore. so what are we doing?

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , | Posted in: Confusion, Frustration, Love - Pure and Simple

 

See you’re with another

See you’re with another, but I always wonder what could have been with me. If only you’d met me first, if only you hadn’t met me in the role of my advisor, if only I could have been with you. I loved you even as I screamed at you and fought with you, and denied it to myself. I claimed to hate you, I claimed to think you were awful, arrogant and dumb, but the truth is I saw me in you. I realized I tried to hate you so I wouldn’t love you. But Love is truly stronger than Hate. We were so similar, stubborn, protective and passionate.

And I know you knew it too, and it confused you more than me. You couldn’t touch me even as I cried myself out in front of you. You claimed that I was wonderful, sweet, amazing and that it was a shame I was leaving the organization. But the truth is I couldn’t spend anymore time around you. I blamed it on anything but you, and you accepted it, yet you were furious that I quit.

I still ask about you because I still love you, even now 3 months later. I laugh about it but every night I go to bed with you on my mind. And I do try to move on but I keep seeing your eyes, the way your eyebrows furrow when you were thinking and even the way you smiled, one corner of your mouth above the other.

I know you’ll stay with her because she’s gorgeous and sweet and everything you deserve. But I always will wonder what we could have been.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Lost Love, Soulmate, Yearning for You

 

To my first almost-love

How have you been doing? I saw that new picture you put on your display. It’s a really nice photo, but I probably won’t tell you that. I almost came to our church today, so I could see you. It has been such a long time since I’ve seen you, or even spoke to you, that I had almost forgotten about the passion I used to feel for you.

That summer was one I put on a shelf somewhere in the back of my hippocampus. After that night, when you told me were afraid of what would escalate if we stayed together, my heart went from “in drive” to “neutral”. I will not tell you that I cried and cried until I shriveled like a raisin, nor that every new male face I saw on campus made me think about you, but that I give alot of credit to my ability to shut down that part of me. Who knew I could compartmentalize the way a man could, the way you seemed to every time we were apart…

Out of sight, out of mind. You seem to live by that philosophy. It’s awfully ridiculous that anytime you were around me in person, you were totally enamored with me. Never had I felt so beautiful, so… cherished. Too bad you could care less about me as soon as we weren’t making out or I wasn’t wearing shorts.

You are so freaking frustrating! Why do you never want me when I am actually around? Why are you smothered by me when I am wanting so desperately to love you and to live life with you? Why do you suddenly miss me so terribly after you went away to school and I was trying to move on with another guy? What makes it worse is that you keep on doing that, reappearing like some terrible cold when I would rather just enjoy the outside world instead. You love to wait and see if I will accept, bask in your little boost of confidence, then change your mind, letting my hopes, yet again come crashing down. You have done enough to hurt me, so why can’t I get over you for good? (more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Lost Love, Miss You

 

miles away.

Last night I dreamt you kissed me.
I want it so badly. I want you so badly.
You have made me happier then any other person ever has.

Ironically you are the reason I haven’t left my husband yet.

Leaving him means leaving here, and leaving here means leaving you.

Our rides to work are the best part of my day.
I am miles away from where I want to be.
And I want to be with you.

I wish you would kiss me.
I would go the extra mile for you.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Wish, Yearning for You

 

you=love?

I’m unsure of us and I don’t have the guts to tell you, i just can’t ruin your happiness. Even though deep down i know that I should be concerned for just myself i cannot stand the thought of hurting you.

I want to say that I love you but there is this raw, bubbly feeling in my stomach that makes me so unsure. Things are just going too fast and i need to slow down.

You are a truly beautiful person and i know one day there will be a girl who will make every dream of yours happen. She will be your muse, but she just won’t ever be me.

I’m just not so sure of love

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Confusion, Love - Pure and Simple

 

To my first love:

I’ve sat down to think about writing a letter to you 1,000 times. But I can’t because when I first wrote you a letter you ignored it. You ignored me. You put me in my place for everyone to see.

These past 2 years have made me a stronger person. I’ve learned to love again. I have found out what truly makes me happy. I’ve learned that I deserve better than you.

But the truth is, I’m still hooked on you. I still think about you, dream about you, miss you, and love you. I don’t know if it’s because you walked out of my life, or if because my heart will never love like when it loved you.

Everything now seems so rational and responsible. I crave the craziness I had with you.

I wish this didn’t bother me so much, especially since I have a wonderful new boyfriend. But I miss you.

I can’t tell anyone, and I can only pretend I’m strong. But I wish so bad that I could tell you how I felt without ruining everything I’ve done for myself in the past 2 years without you.

I’ll always love you, but I hope I can quit missing you.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up, Lost Love, Miss You

 

closure

D,

To this day I don’t understand what happened to us. I don’t know what made you change your mind about us. Literally one night we were laughing and talking about our future and then the next day it was over. And then a few days later you were with her..

I think I’m angry because you said so many beeautiful words to me. Words that I could swear were the truth. You laughed, cried, talked and fell in love with me and you ended it in an instant. 6 months later and I’m still clueless. You moved on so fast and made me feel less than what I know I am. You broke me.

I moved on though. I’m really happy. I’m with the same guy I was with before you came and wasted my time for a year. You hated him because you said he didn’t respect me. But that’s ironic because look how you’ve been treating me. I wouldn’t call that respect. This guy is amazing. I won’t bore you with the details but please know that I am so much better off without you.

My reason for this letter? Closure. Closure that I’ve had to find myself because you failed to give it to me. Part of me thinks you don’t even have a good reason for doing what you did. But that’s fine. Shit happens.

I just want you to know that I’m fine. I’m great. I’m happy. And I hope you are too. But I highly doubt you’re in a good place right now. And there’s no way you’re as happy as I am.

To close, I want you to know that I still care about you deeply and although you’ll probably never read this, I wouldn’t mind being your friend. I want to see you do well. I want to see you succeed. And I know you, I can tell you’re in a bad place. So please, come talk to me. You’re scared I’ll yell at you. You’re scared you’ll realize you made the wrong choice.
Don’t be.

In all sencerity, I wish you well. And with that, I’m done with you.

- M

Ps- your girlfriend is awful. you could do so much better so please find someone you deserve.

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you are nothing but a keyboard thug

Dear e-thug

You think your rants and post on facebook hurt? go ahead and call me names, I dont care about you anymore.

I thought you were a cool girl. We had alot in common. I dont know what went wrong with you, but I feel sorry for you I really do.

You keep telling yourself that you have a great life. Everyone knows different. Everyone can see through your lies. I just hope you remember that you started talking smack first.

Just remmeber I was the one who saved your job when you went to jail, none of your “other” friends would answer the phone. yea have fun next time you are in trouble.

I was the one who went to court with you, when I knew that you lied about everything. I was just doing it in hopes that all the stupid drama would go away and we could be friends again. but that didnt happen. YOu just love drama dont you, you attached everyone that is close to you.

I STOOD UP FOR YOU IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE. I SAID THAT YOU WERE A GOOD MOTHER WHEN IN FACT YOU ARE NOT. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS. YOU CAN EVEN TAKE CARE OF THE TWO YOU HAVE. HOW CAN YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ARE OF ANOTHER ONE. YOU ARE LAZY, YOU ARE DISGUSTING AND YOUR KIDS ARE NOT PROPERLY TAKEN CARE OF. (more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , | Posted in: Abuse, Betrayal, Friends

 

Friends Forever?

rocky,

at graduation we promised to be best friends forever and not let distance separate us. well here we are, 9 months later. We haven’t spoken in almost five whole months. I miss you like crazy but i know that I can’t fix our relationship.

I tell myself that when I want to call, text or come see you again, that i can’t because i know that if you truly missed me too… you would make the effort.

so yes.. i miss you.. who wouldn’t after being best friends for 10 years?

remember me.

-bluegreen

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Miss You

 

Boy who stole my heart

We did not know each other very long, but from the moment we met, to the moment we ended, we were inseparable and in my eyes, falling head over heels. I have never meet someone who could just lay in the dark with me and laugh for no apparent reason. No words were exchanged, just a simple touch of your fingers against mine was enough. Just knowing you were there was enough. I know our lives took us in separate directions, but I always thought it was going to bring us back together somehow. Life is mysterious and has a weird way of working things out, at least that is what I thought. But then, my eyes were opened. I was pushed aside for reasons unknown, pushed down, and ignored. Without even a second glance. How could you go from wanting to spend all moments of the day with me, to nothing. Not even a hello. I wish that you would just realize even though we can not be together, I loved you more than anyone could ever love you. You let go of a good thing, things had a chance of working out for us in the end. but now, I can’t even bring myself to think about you. This is my last goodbye to the boy who I thought I loved. Thank you for breaking my heart. I am letting go of my feelings.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Letting Go, Lost Love

 


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