I still think about you sometimes.
Like now, for instance. My boyfriend, the love of my life, is a foot away from me sleeping right now. It’s small moments like these, when I’m not occupied by his brilliance, that you slip into my mind.
I told him about you but I may have declined to mention that I was in love with you, even at the same time I started to love him.
I never got over you. Sometimes I wish we had a big fight, confrontation, or falling out. At least then we would have closure. Instead we left unanswered questions because we’re both still too scared to talk about how we really feel. We’re adults now, so why are we still acting like teenagers?
It’s kind of funny. I felt like I betrayed you for getting together (and falling in love) with him two weeks after our unforgettable night. I feel like I am betraying him for hiding this small piece of me that still thinks about what would have happened between me and you.
In reality, we probably weren’t that good together anyway. And our timing was always the worst. But I’m afraid I’ll never fully get over you- my first love. Maybe we should discuss this. Maybe I should actually send this letter. But who am I kidding? Two and a half years of silence have already gone by and nothing has changed. Maybe one day when we’re ready we can talk. I would like that.
What I want to tell you the most, though, is that I am truly happy with him. Blissful, really. He’s perfect for me. Sweet, funny, honest, playful, intelligent, sexy, and he gives me so much love. He is always there for me. I know in my heart that I will be with him for the rest of my life. You would like him. You share a similar sense of humor and taste in music. I hope one day we can all hang out together as friends without any awkwardness, but I doubt that day will come.
And honestly, I want you to have what I have. You deserve it. Just because it didn’t work out with us doesn’t mean you aren’t an incredible person. You’re passionate, funny, and fun to be around. My favorite thing about you, though, is that you are unapologetically yourself at all times. Please, don’t ever change that.