• I Will Always Love You

    by  • February 25, 2011 • Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, Yearning for You • 3 Comments

    I have so much to say, but it’s hard to ever really talk to you anymore. Maybe I was just a stepping stone for you to get to that point in your life where you’d figured out what you wanted, or didn’t want. So to prove to you I loved you and all I wanted was for you to be happy, I walked away. And it was so hard. I wake up in the middle of the night missing you by my side. You were my best friend, and I don’t know if you know how it feels to lose your one true best friend, but I’ve had plenty of experience and it’s got to be the worst feeling in the world. I’m pretty sure there’s not a second that goes by that I don’t think about you or wonder where you are/what you’re doing. I have recurring dreams of our first date leading up to the night where we said we loved each other. I honestly can’t escape all of it. I think leaving might help some, but when I leave it’ll really be over, and that’s such a scary thought for me. It’s so hard but I still love you – with everything I have. You have my heart, and it’s beyond my control. All I wanted you gave to me; it had taken so long to find something so real. It was gone so quickly. Even though I gave you back the note you wrote me, the whole “I’ve never felt this way before about a girl and I don’t want to fuck it up” line never leaves my head. It all kind of feels like a dream now, everything. I want to wake up so bad with you lying next to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle you being with anyone else. I don’t think there are two more perfectly matched personalities in this world. I want you to come and save me so bad, come back and be in my life again. Get over everything and start over together. I always wonder if you feel/felt the same way I do. Does your heart beat about a million times faster than normal when you see me? mine does. Do you think about me/us/everything we were? I do. Do you dream about me? I dream about you and us all the time. Is there a part of you that wants this to work out, to fix itself and go back to when we were so in love? I feel so strongly about all of these things. My heart is so broken I don’t know what to do. This is killing me, I feel like I’m drowning a little more each day. What do I do? Because I still love you, and you’re the only one who can save me. I can’t do this on my own, I want you back in my life. I can’t move on because the only thing I can find wrong with you is that you can find so much wrong with me. I never really knew until now how much i need you. And I don’t understand why, even after everything and after the accident, how you could look into my eyes the way you did and not want to be with me. But I know you don’t feel that way, because how could you and have been so easy to let it all go – everything we had. Promise me that’s all I want that you can give me. Just a promise that you will never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you will always remember me. Losing you was hard enough, but I don’t want to live knowing that I meant absolutely nothing to you. God this is so hard. It’s like 3am, I can’t sleep. So instead of thinking about all of this I thought I’d write it out – maybe It’ll help? God I miss you. I can’t stand this feeling. Ha sometimes I wish I was a kid again, skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than broken hearts. Why haven’t you tried at all? Tried to talk to me, or anything? Three weeks, for three weeks I heard nothing from you. I waited every day, I wanted you to come back to me, because I never thought we could really be over. But it’s all becoming so real now, I think that’s the hardest thing. Knowing that my love was so strong it’s still all there for you, but that there is no way you feel the same. God I wish there was something I could do, some memory I could spark or some time I could let us relive to help you see the strength of our love. I miss you when something good happens, because you’re the only one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is bothering me, because you’re the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you’re the only one that makes my laughter grow and tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night, and think of all the good times that we spent with each other. Who am I supposed to turn to when the only person who can stop me from crying is the one person making me cry? You may think of me as just some girl in love, but I want you to know that I am that one girl that took one look at you and fell harder for you than I’ve ever fallen for anyone else. I am so mad because I convinced myself I was over you and now I know it was all pretend. I pretend not to light up when you entered a room, I pretended not to be upset when we got in a fight, I pretended I didn’t look forward to seeing you, and I pretended that I didn’t miss you when you didn’t come around. Now all these lies have showed me that I miss you so much more than I had realized. Nothing/nobody can hurt me like I know you can hurt me, but there’s nothing I want more in this world. I didn’t know that when you love a person, you have given them the power to hurt you. For a while I thought I was getting over you, but now I realize I’m just getting used to the pain. I’m the only one your smile means the world to. I don’t even get to talk to you anymore… much less see you smile. And I’m still here waiting there to catch you if you fall, I don’t know why I care so much when I shouldn’t care at all. A million worlds would not bring you back, I know because I’ve tried. A million tears would not bring you back, I know because I’ve cried. But maybe a million and one? Do you ever think about me? Do you ever cry yourself to sleep? In the middle of the night do you ever wake up and find yourself thinking about me? You know what hurts the most though? You just let me walk away without a fight. You just let me walk right out of your life… no struggle. I would have waited and fought for you forever. I guess all I really want to say is that I’m dying here inside, that I miss you more each day, there’s not a night I haven’t cried, and baby here’s the truth — I’m still so in love with you. That’s what I really meant to say. So come back to me…

    If your love for someone is true, then that person will always come back to you.
    -K

    3 Responses to I Will Always Love You

    1. MollyR.
      February 26, 2011 at 7:10 am

      I could’ve written this. I know how you feel, hon. <3

    2. Barbara
      February 28, 2011 at 8:09 am

      “If your love for someone is true, then that person will always come back to you.”
      I believe this to be wrong and more like this: If love is true, it never leaves.
      Admittedly, I realize not many seem to feel the way I do. Maybe I am like a bulldog, once I sunk my teeth into something, I won’t let go until I know undoubtedly that there is no reason to hang onto it anymore – that I was wrong. Then I will never turn back either. Some do believe in second chances though and of what you wrote, it’s well worth a try. If I were you, I would send him/her this letter. What is the worst that can happen? Love above pride.

    3. E.Ransom
      February 26, 2014 at 10:09 am

      Your letter resonates with me so much…like the other commenter said, it’s like I wrote this letter…I’m in pain too…I understand everything you wrote. You should send this. It might be a risk worth taking.

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