Click here for a letter.If he’s not calling you.
If he’s not texting you.
If he’s looking for other girls to date.
If he’s not taking you out on dates.
If he’s not asking you to be is girlfriend.
Then it’s because he doesn’t want to.
Even if he’s kissing you.
Even if he’s letting you sleep in his bed with him.
Even if he’s cuddling you at night.
Even if he gets jealous when you talk about other guys.
If he wanted to be with you, then he would be. But he’s not.
And he’s a fool.
AMEN! Girls, you deserve a guy who is straight forward and lets it KNOWN he wants you. Don’t try to reed between the lines, because the lines say “You are good enough for RIGHT NOW, but not for forever.”
You need to continue to build and perpetuate attraction. If not, then we will lose interest. But that goes both ways.
-Ben
I wish you wrote that for me. And Ben, you are so right, but you suck anyways…
So true! I’ve definitely been in that situation before.. you learn the hard way
I just read this and stopped to cry because I’m going through everything on this list. :’(
Women love men that treat them like shit. It’s the secret to my perfect track record.
its true. women love assholes. i don’t know why, but itr true. and when they find a nice guy they aren’t interested in t=him because he’s nice.
we love the chase just as much as boys do.. I’m going through this right now. If I’m not looking for something serious, just a little fun, it can’t be that bad to go for the guy who doesn’t seem interested? can it?
I just learned this lesson the hard way earlier today. ):
I like the fact that this is obviously about guys, and how only guys would do this to girls… Oh wait.
i’m learning this lesson right now, but this just made it a whole hell of a lot easier. it’s the truth. thank you.
This is killing me, because it applies almost perfectly but it might not at the same time.
1,2, and 5 of the first list all apply,
all of the second list applies.
But he just got out of a 4 year relationship. She cheated on him. She broke up with him.
The essence of this note has been plaguing my mind for the past month.
I really like this guy and he genuinely makes me happy,
he has told me he feels the same.
So what do I do?
What if the feeling is mutual and you’re both okay with non-commitment? I see nothing wrong with this.
Thank you. I think this is exactly what I needed to see in order to get out of this relationship.
This is like the story of my life right now and I don’t know what to do. Aside for him looking for other girls everything applies. It’s such a weird and annoying situation and so difficult to get out of.
I am going thru just about everything on this list. It sucks! The worst part? Well, he has a girlfriend…that pretty much says it all. FWBs suck! It’s so hard tho to get out of something like this…it can be exciting even if you know that in the end you will get hurt.
GIRL! PREACH ON! GUYS ARE SO STUPID!
This is exactly what I needed to read to get me through the new year. Since the beginning of this one, Iv been involved with someone who does all the bottom half but all he does is cheat on me, looks for other girls to date, and is an all around a**hole…yet, I am stupid enough to fall for him. No more….no more.
I wish I had read this three months ago… maybe then I would’ve been the first to let go.
Why is this just about guys? There’s plenty of girls like this too.
If they’re not calling you..
If they’re not texting you..
The first list applies to me.
it’s hard to accept the truth but i needed to read this… thank you.
If he’s not calling you. It is cause he lacks the nerve.
If he’s not texting you. It is because he feels texting is too cheap for you.
If he’s looking for other girls to date. It is because he feels like he could never get you.
If he’s not taking you out on dates. It is because nothing could live up to what he thinks you deserve.
If he’s not asking you to be is girlfriend. It is because you deserve better.
Not because he doesn’t want to.
Even if he’s kissing you.
Even if he’s letting you sleep in his bed with him.
Even if he’s cuddling you at night.
Even if he gets jealous when you talk about other guys.
If he Was A Real Man, then he would man-up for you. But he’s not.
In fact he’s just a fool.
Despite this being true, and intended for positive female self-image, aren’t we (as a society) doing exactly the opposite by encouraging women to love themselves despite men? I’m all for ceasing the idea of the ‘Why Women Love Bitches’ and ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ mentality. Women all too often judge their own worth in relation to others.
Stop reading about why you’re ok if a boy doesn’t like you, and start judging your self-worth on a thousand other things: accomplishments, character, hard work, education, career success.
And I’m all for NOT reinforcing stereotypes about gender: some women love to sleep around. Some men are seeking love. Romantic gender inequality exists because we’re taught to desire different things. When is the last time a guy wrote a poem about having self-esteem because a girl only wants sex? Ladies, please stop reading these stupid messages and go kick some ass in the world and in your relationships!
(For the record, I’m happily in a relationship and work in management).
Omg, he’s not into me!!
I’ve been feeling really down about this guy and this just confirms my sadness
Hell yeah ! … If he wants to , He would’ve !
4 years ago, i went through this.
he cheated on his girlfriend with me, becuase she was cheating on him.
we’d cuddled, do it, go our seperate ways.
i caught feelings.
i guess he didnt.
3 years go by, we’re still doing it. he told her everything.
they broke up.
i thought i had a chance.
i didnt.
he dated someone else.
broke my heart entirely.
then she left him for someone else.
guess he realized i was he last resort.
now that i have him, i dont want him, becuase i learned that he never wanted me to begin with.
he wont let me leave him. he’s got me stuck, there is blackmail on me, he’s got everything that i have. my phone, keys, laptop, my car.
eh, i guess this is karma. this is what happens when you give your heart to someone you thought you could trust. but shit happens. and i deserve it. so, eh, what everrr
every time i feel confused about someone. i read this. so thank you to whoever posted this. it reminds me every time that i deserve more & that he IS a fool!
I let myself get used way to much. Just the thought of being wanted feels so good that I fall for it err’ time.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship. But he gets so mad when I talk to other guys. I like him way too much to risk losing him as a friend. I’m still confused, but this was helpful. Also venting was nice.
insecure girls like ass holes. woman know what they really want. and that’s to be loved. not games.
You girls play games… MAYBE ITS BECAUSE WE HAVE SHIT TO DO.. (like 19 hours of school plus work). I WASTE MY MONEY BRINGING GIRLS OUT ON DATES, IT NEVER MAKES THEM LIKE ME MORE. IF YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF MY WORLD THEN BE A PART OF IT, I’m tired of trying to court girls, its a waste of time.
Women also do this to guys; just saying.
I wouldn’t stick to these as ‘rules’ because it certainly doesn’t apply to everything. You’d be surprised by how many guys are too shy to make the first move, hence the reason he’s never asked you to be his girlfriend.
If he’s not texting / calling, there re many reasons for this. Have you ever thought that he’s doing that in order to make you think he has higher value than he does?
Girls do this to me all the time – I’ve had girls tell me they have a boyfriend just so I believed that we’re desired (which is really cute btw, you can do this without having to verbally prove it!) and girls that dont text or call when I want them to because they are trying to play it cool.
Also, I guy that gets jealous when you speak to other guys is somebody to avoid anyway – who wants someone who is that insecure?!?!?!
@getmethegirl
i went through this and instead of going with my first instinct and leaving him i didnt i grieved over before we even broke up once we broke up it didnt hurt evn though i caught him cheating on me . . . if he would have never fucked up i would still be stuck! things happen for a reason!
now that me and him are friends hes on his knees wishing id come back
I think that although this may not be true to every situation, it is true to most. And if a guy isn’t making the same effort that you are then whether he is genuinely interested in you or not, he’s a fool. You don’t need to waste your time with some guy who isn’t going to try to be with you. If he knows how you feel about him, and he doesn’t try to be with you, knowing that you want him to, then he’s not interested. This is my current situation. Actually, I just wrote a letter on here about it. As soon as I posted it this letter popped up on the side.
“He’s just not that into you”.
It sucks, and for some reason the more of a dick he is the more I want to be with him. He does have a sensitive side and he’s funny, and can be really sweet when he wants to. But he’s also a total ass face, and I need to stop liking guys like that. He led me to believe that he liked me, whether it was on purpose or not I don’t really know. But I told him how I feel. He talked in circles and was just trying to let me down easy I think. That’s what I’m assuming at least.
He’s just not that into me. :/
Sooner or later I will accept this and move on to a real man.
Because he is a damn FOOL.
^ thats not supposed to be a happy face. lol.
i was going for a tongue sticking out..not quite sure why it looks like I have a crazy smile instead..
I really needed this, thank you.
Go with your gut instinct. I know that this can surely apply to so many people’s situation and both genders too, but only you know the real situation. For instance, I have upmost faith that we will be together soon. He doesn’t call/text me because he’s busy a lot of the time and I know he doesn’t date other girls. It hurts him that he can’t take me out on dates because he’s low on money but he tries his hardest. We’re not together yet but I know we love each other. Chin up guys, it doesn’t mean he’s not into you, there are so many possible reasons. Just be happy. He loves me. And he/she loves you, and if it turns out that things go wrong, you’ll be happy very soon.
PLEASE STAY HAPPY AND HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AND THE PERSON YOU LOVE. Nobody is a lost cause.
Just because a guy isn’t into you doesn’t mean you are a lost cause. I agree that you need to trust your gut, but if your gut is telling you that he’s not into you, you need to listen to it instead of making excuses to keep wanting to be with him. Some people are worth the wait, and some just arent. If the person you want to be with brings you down more than they lift you up, then it’s time to let you. If they really want to be with you they won’t let you leave, and if they let you leave then you are much better off without them anyways.
Change he to she and it’s the same. Just saying….
I copied this letter a few weeks ago and turned it into the desktop for my laptop, because that way I can look at it whenever I want. Each time I read it I realize again that I deserve someone better; someone who wants me back.
Everything happens for a reason though, and I’ve learned my lesson, so thank you for writing this letter. It’s helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Preach! <3
This is tremendously true.
I have been going through this very same situation for quite some time. Making up excuses and trying to convince myself that there are other factors, but the truth is there…if he were really interested in me, wanted me, and cared for me then he would be with me. I’m good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to commit to. He says he is worth the wait (and I believed this), but I know I am worth the time. I’m not a one in a million kind of girl, I’m a once in a lifetime kind of woman. And now I must move on so the one who is deserving of my love can appreciate all I have to offer.
Good luck to you, Michelle. I’m sure you will find someone who knows you are worth the time.
Though I agree that there are situations where this is very true, I say with a sad heart that I am at a point with a girl where I can’t do all of these things as much as I would like. Its not that i am not into her, but rather that this moment in our lives we are in two different places. Being the level headed, rational people that we are, we know that trying to start something long distance would be impossible. As much as I would love to text her every morning just to say hi and call her each night just to tell her that I wished that I could wrap my arms around her, I can’t. I have to believe that if our love is meant to be then one day our lives will meet up (whether its by my doing or just coincidence), but until then we just remain friends with an understanding. It sucks but I know the relationship will be stronger by letting the feelings grow and blossom naturally and I know deep in my heart that I will find my way back to her.
Rather than ticking things off a list (where there might be a good reason for them not being able to do something), simply be balanced. The bottom line is, don’t commit more than the other party is. If they’re holding out, be cautious and show that whilst you’re willing to move forward, you need them to do so as well. Let them show you they’re serious with actions as well as words. When you really like someone, the temptation is to go ALL OUT and almost stifle them with affection.
Which might be too much for someone who is genuine. And more importantly, there are people out there attracted to desperation, you don’t want to attract them or spend a long time feeding them your time and attention when they are using words they think you want to hear to get you into bed.
It’s important not to pressure men too soon (I know some women who lay on the ‘I want to get married’ speech WAAY early), but it’s important not to let yourself stay til the point of resentment whilst someone who never wants to commit drags it out.
From what I’ve read, it’s best to avoid verbal ultimatums. It’s recommended that you discuss it without making an ultimatum when you think it’s really about time (say, a couple of years into a serious relationship or whatever). If he doesn’t want to commit, don’t whine or try to wheedle it out of him. If you want commitment, apparently distancing yourself and making clear you can’t wait forever and have your own life is a subtle, mature way of showing what he would be missing out on. If he doesn’t want to follow, he wasn’t going to commit anyway. If he doesn’t miss what you were having, then find someone who appreciates it!
JD (Moose),
I know that your comment was postet here in January and so the chances of you reading this are pretty slim, but still: What you wrote was incredibly sweet and it really gave me hope. False hope, maybe, but who cares?
Thank you.