• Still Shaking

    by  • February 18, 2011 • Abuse, Anger, Depression, Grief, Letting Go, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    You’re never going to understand what you did to me. You’re never going to see me and think to yourself that you should apologize, and I can forgive you for that. We were only teenagers at the time, and nothing seemed like it would last beyond graduation.

    What I can’t do is forgive you for what you did. You ruined me. You made me scared to be in my own body. You made me hate myself and my life, and I’m just now starting to get over that. It’s taken years, but I finally realize that I’m not worthless, and no matter what you said back then, you’re not the best I could ever expect to have.

    There are still days where I wish I had never met you. There are even some days that I wish you would die for what you did. I can’t look at a picture of you without feeling scared again. Every time I even hear your name, every muscle in my body tightens up.

    After all the sleepless nights, all the thoughts of suicide, all the weeks spent crying, I finally understand that it wasn’t my fault. You may have taken my virginity without my permission, but I won’t let you control the rest of my life.

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