Although i loved you more than anything in the entire world, and we almost lost our virginity together, i don’t know what drove you away.
I don’t know what drove you to his arms, but since it’s been almost a year, i’m almost over it, although i must admit at times i still feel the pain.
The reason being is because i think, to a certain extent i still love you. i hate that we don’t talk anymore, i really wish i could just have you in my arms again, to hold you, to kiss you, to lay my head upon your chest and hear your heart beat again. I miss that in the worst way.
That, i needed to say, and i hope that one day you may see this, and if you do, what you need to know is that you crushed my heart.
I gave it to you, and you gave it back in pieces, crushed under your foot, and the foot of the bastard you left me for.
I hope you realize that he told the entire school all he wanted to do was to take your virginity and use you for sex, then forget about you when he left for college.
You would have been just another number in his head, the number of virgins he deflowered, the number of girls he fucked.
I hope that you realize that i love you, and would have cherished the thought of making love to you, and it would have been the most amazing night of my life, as long as it was with you.
I still havent had sex with any other girl, and its been almost a year since you left me, but for some reason i still hold on to this shred of hope that i will lose my virginity to you.
Even after what you did to me, i would still take you back, because i was happiest with you, you made me smile, you brought light to my day, you were wonderful Rem.
Im not perfect, not by a long shot. Neither are you, but that doesnt matter to me. We are perfect for each other, i just hope you can realize that before it’s too late.
I know you don’t approve of how i’ve changed slightly since you left, but i’d drop these new habits in a heartbeat if they meant i could hold you again.
As i graduate this year and start my life, i’m sure you have heard through the grapevine of my decision to join the navy and go to afghanistan.
I’m sure you don’t approve of it, but you should know that i leave for bootcamp in august, and something tells me the thought of you is all that will keep me going.
I’ve made up my mind that i’m going to write you letters while i’m in bootcamp and while i’m in afghanistan, and even though you probably won’t open them, let alone read them, i will still write them.
These letters will tell you how i feel, and how i miss you, and how i want you back in my life in the worst way.
I love you so much Rem, the way we would just lay on my bed and hold each other, how you would tell me you could hear my heartbeat, and how i could hear yours. How we both felt safe in each others arms.
I loved sneaking away after school to go to my house and make out and spend time together. I loved dancing with you at my junior prom, and i wish you would be my date to my senior prom this year, although since you aren’t, i probably won’t be going, because it won’t be the same without you.
I want you to know that i’m terribly sorry for the horrid things i said to and about you after we broke up. I want you to know i said all of those things out of anger, and depression from losing you to such a piece of shit who would only use you for sex.
I said those things, and i can never take them back, and for them you probably won’t ever take me back. I said horrible things, that no girl should ever have to hear, especially one as amazing and beautiful as you.
I said them out of anger Remi. I know that doesn’t make them right, but i only said them because i was angry that a bag of shit like him could go around intending to use something so beautiful, so sweet, so amazing as you for just sex, he was going to make you his booty call, when you thought he actually loved you,
I actually loved, and still love you Remi, and i hope that one day i can have you in my arms again.
One day, maybe. But at this point, all i can do is hope.
I love you more than anything in the entire world Rem, and I miss you more than you could ever know.