• You’re not really a ‘mother’

    by  • February 14, 2011 • Abuse, Disappointment, Family Stuff, Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Lost Love, Parents • 0 Comments

    Elizabeth,

    Even though you gave birth to me that does not grant you the privilege of being called ‘mom’, or calling me your daughter. The fact that you are the reason for my existence does not mean I am forever in your debt. Especially after treating me with such disrespect. You started mentally and verbally abusing me when I was ten, by the time I was twelve and was taking you to court with my father to get myself removed from your custody, it only got worse. Believe me, I had no intention of cutting off all connections with you, I was young and still believed that I loved you, but mostly because I thought I had to. As the months went on the abuse got worse. You lied your way through court and I was still stuck with you until one day I had enough. You hit me across the face and I ran. I haven’t seen you for more than a few minutes since then.

    You’ve caused me so much pain and have completely messed me up. I had to save you from killing yourself so many times. Yet you still told me I was worthless. You still ran to your pills to take the edge of the reality that you can’t handle being a mother. I began cutting because of you, it’s been three years since I “stopped” but there have been a handful of times I’ve slipped up. Even thinking about you messes me up, all I can think about it finding a way out of my brain. Because of you I could never let anyone in, never let them see who I really was, because I was scared they wouldn’t love me.

    But now, at the age of 18, I’m slowly getting over it all. I have an amazing boyfriend who knows everything and still loves me. It took me months to open up to him because of how scared you made me of letting anyone get close to me. I am going to a great university, partly just to prove to myself and to you that I’m not going to be a crackhead who will beg for your forgiveness. Because I did nothing wrong, and I am strong enough without you. You’re twisted lies can’t hold me down anymore. Stop contacting me, you will never change. You’ve had second, thirds, fourths, twentieth chances. Just stop.

    Without Regret,
    the girl that the only good thing you’ve done for is give birth to.

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