• Why?

    by  • February 13, 2011 • Cheating, Divorce, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Lost Love, Marriage, Moving On, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I know you cannot possibly understand the way things are for me… understanding anyone but yourself is simply not in your nature. It never has been. I came to accept that fact many years ago.

    We, you and I, are very dissimilar… in almost every way. We share a home, yes… we’re married, at least for now… we have a son… but otherwise.. not much in common. And there never was.

    All the same, I loved you. At some point, for some time, I really and truly loved you. I’d have done anything for you. All I asked for in return was kindness, compassion, and yes.. occasionally sex. I’m a man, and, well… it is what it is.

    What I simply cannot understand is… why? I offered you everything… my heart, my life, everything I own.. and you couldn’t find it within yourself to treat me with even the respect you treat your mother’s dog. You simply refused to meet any of my needs, and further, balked at my unhappiness when I brought it to your attention.

    I am NOT yours anymore, to do with as you please.

    Why? Why did it take almost 10 years, me telling you I was leaving you, and my having an affair with one of our very close friends for you to FINALLY begin treating me like I’m worth a damn?

    WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST TREATED ME RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING?!?!?

    I’m sorry, and I really am, when I say… I believe you’re trying to change. I believe you capable of being so much more than you are… but it’s too little, too late. Something inside me broke a year ago. I tried to mend it, I told my heart to let love grow…

    It’s response was, “This time, no.”

    I cannot do this anymore. I cannot be your husband, pretending everything’s OK… when it simply isn’t.

    While what I’ve told you is true, I’m not leaving you for her… once we’re apart, I plan to pursue her. I love her, in a way I’ve never known before, and she feels the same for me. Even if she and I don’t pan out, I’m not coming back. You and I can be friends, but I’ll never let you close enough to hurt me again. Never again.

    I’m sorry.

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