Archive for February 11th, 2011

Widow

You’ll never see this. I don’t think you even do anything else on the computer. You think everything is fine because I don’t complain anymore. In reality, I just gave up. I’ve tried and tried and fought and fought but you just do the bare minimum that’s required of you to get by. How could anyone call this a marriage? We’re more like roommates with kids. We don’t do anything anymore. The last thing we did together was go shopping for laptops for me — and while I want one, I feel like you were so enthusiastic because you wanted me out of your hair. You get mad when I leave to hang out with real life people, like I should enjoy watching movies alone or crying in the bathroom. I still have the dissolution papers filled out, I just don’t have the balls to leave you. I know you’ll leave me here by myself with two kids and being a single mother terrifies me. I won’t be able to support myself and I don’t want to have to depend on welfare and child support. These are the only reasons I haven’t left you yet. I love you and always will, but you’ve killed me. I don’t feel like your wife anymore.

You haven’t noticed anything’s wrong, that I sleep all the time and drink more and have lost 20 pounds in the past month. But I guess it’s hard to see what’s going on around you when all you do is stare at a computer screen.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Depression, Divorce, Fear, Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Yearning

 

You Just Don’t Seem To Understand

Dear Boy,

I don’t know why, but you still don’t seem to grasp this concept. When we first started dating, I thought I made it clear that I would break up with you if you ever cheated on me. So why were you so suprised when I ended the relationship after you had sex with her? Are you really that dense? I’ve tried writing this in nicer ways, but it really comes down to your complete stupidity.

Sure, we still stay in contact. At first it was because I thought I was still “in love” and couldn’t handle losing you. But now, in all honesty, it’s out of pure pity. You claim that the reason why our relationship ended was because your “actions only brought up the real issues between us.” Seriously? You can’t come down from your throne for one second and admit that this was all your fault? That you knew what would happen and yet you still went forth? That I actually stuck to my word? It’s offensive. It’s degrading. And you really just don’t seem to understand the consequences of your actions.

I hope you never see this because, quite frankly, you are way too sensitive.

Ta.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Cheating, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple

 

wishful

I’ve posted a note once before about how we talk late at night when you’re at work and how much I actually like you. I saw a reply that said “I feel the same way” as one of the comments, everyday I check that post to see if there are any other replies and everyday I hope that somehow, although the odds are highly unlikely that somehow it’s you and that you’ll tell me that you feel the same the next time I get the chance to see you.

whenever that may be.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Wish, Yearning for You

 

love

I met you when I was 7, you were 9. We were next door neighbors. I was infatuated with you when I met you. a little girl with a crush. I liked everything about you. middle school comes around we are still friends and I have this ridiculous crush on you that everyone in the neighborhood knows about. end of middle school I move away for a year and a half. We don’t talk that much I have moved on. I move back home for the rest of High school, it takes some time for things to get back to normal but sooner than later we are back to laughing and talking spending afternoons on the sidewalk talk about everything and nothing. Somewhere in this time I began to like you… love you….want to spend all my time with you. We were bestfiends. You would always kid and sayy BFFs. I believed you. Then you left and went to college my senior year. Everything in the neighborhood reminded me of you. You called, text, skyped, facebooked me everyday. That year I knew for sure that this was more than like. I loved you, I loved everything about you. You didn’t come home that summer. You worked out of state. I missed you so much. We talk about everything we’ve been talking about everyrthing since we were 8 and 9. But after all those years I still haven’t found a way to tell you how much I love you. Now, we are both away in college. I friendship isn’t the same because I’m watching you date all these girls. All i want is you, I don’t need to date anyone else because I know what I want. But it’s tearing our friendship apart. It’s tearing my heart apart. I’m starting to hate you just a little. That’s why I snap at you when I would usually have consoling words. I love you so much and I just want you to love me back. Best friends for life??

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Frustration, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Us

Remember that night we first decided we were dating? We almost didn’t even try because you were graduating in the spring. But something happened, and we decided we had to go for it. We were kissing on the old green couch. In the middle of it, you burped a little. It was gross. Oh, it was gross. And what did I do? I pretended it didn’t happen. I kept on kissing you. I really must have been in love with you.

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love

I started off hating you, but you grew on me. Now, we had become something more and then you went and got a gf. I don’t understand that. I was here for you. I played games but i never lied. Now I’m away at college and you ignore me the day after admitting that you wanted to be “be with me”. I don’t understand, but i said i was done with you. But everytime I see a guy i think of you. They all remind me of something i loved or hated about you. You have done a number on me. I didn’t even see it happen but I think I love you. But, I will never say this to you, because my ego is in the way.

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Bitch mail

Dear Bitch,

I am bigger, stronger, faster, and just plain better than you. I don’t understand why you thought that your skinny ass could take me I would have kicked your ass all up and down that house. Oh and did you notice that my whole team was standing behind me ready to pounce? Next time you see me at a party don’t play your silly little games because i will knock you out.

Thanks

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Tags: , | Posted in: Knock it Off, Short -n- Sweet

 

Lifelong Friend

Hey,

I know we haven’t talked in a long time, and I also know that until I get the courage to see you face-to-face again, I’ll be stuck like this, mulling the thought of you and me together over and over.

We grew up together. In fact, some of the funniest childhood memories I have are of me, you and your best friend running up and down the jungle gym.

I remember feeling lucky because I was the only girl that you both let play with you.

I remember when your younger sister was born, and how your mom let only me hold her during field trips. Even then I felt like a part of your family.

But it all changed when that feeling of belonging to your family was clouded by my sudden interest in our being more than friends. I really started to like the thought of you liking me more in return.

That one spring break our families and us went to Orlando together, I remember wanting so badly to just tell you what I was thinking. But I think by then my changing schools had made me grow up a little too fast. I got so scared of what you would say, and it became the classic “what if our friendship ends because of it?” I couldn’t tell you then.
(more…)

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Sweet as honey

You’re as sweet as honey, hot as pepper, funny as hell, and easy as breathing.

This scares the hell out of me, but I know I can’t keep away.

I’m scared that when it’s time for me to leave, you won’t ask me to stay with you.

If it keeps up like this, I probably will.

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You’re still my addiction

It’s been years. How many – 5 or 6? We haven’t even spoken in 3 years. I blocked you from everything – email, Facebook, IM. I deleted your number out of my phone, so even when I felt like calling, I couldn’t.

Some weeks, I don’t think about you at all. Some days, I can’t get you out of my head. Every time I hear American Hi-Fi or Yellowcard, I think about you. Every time I see a car like yours or smell that soap you always used, I still think of you.

This is how it goes: I miss you so much. I miss you so much that I feel it physically – a deep, hollow pain in my chest.

And then I remember how we were so terrible together. In the best of times, you were my best friend. You understood me better than I think anyone ever has. You held me just like I wanted to be held, and cared for me with a passion that I’d never experienced before, and haven’t since. And you listened. But the fights, the depression, the fact that you had a girlfriend the whole time. The fact that you told me you’d leave her at the beginning of it all. And when you broke up, you started dating one of my best friends.

Yep. And then I remember how I was always just the girl on the side to you. And then I remember why I deleted you from everything, why I refuse to talk to or see you, why I can’t.

You’re addictive. You’re the cigarette that’s begging my attention. I hate you for what you did to me, what you did to your girlfriends by being with me, for making me believe that I was so special to you. I hate that relationships scare me shitless now. And most of all, I hate how badly I want just to talk to you again.

But some days my deepest longing is just to call you and hear your voice again.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Addiction, Cheating, Grief, Heartbreak, Lost Love, Yearning for You

 


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