• What have I done

    by  • February 10, 2011 • Confusion, Fear, Friends, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I am in love with two men.

    I have loved one for 7 years. And another for less than a year.

    What you had for me was unconditional love. I wish I still had you. I will always love. Forever, even though you want nothing to do with me ever again. I will ALWAYS, be in love with you.

    I ended up dating your friend and hurting you beyond repair. I never imagined this to get so complicated. And ruin our friendship. I want to marry who I am with now. But I have felt like I have wanted to marry you since I first met you. You now don’t talk to me. You seem to hate me now. I understand that.

    But I miss you so much. He doesn’t make me laugh like you did. We don’t have the funny repertoire that we had. He didn’t know me when I was awkward and innocent like you did.

    I am afraid to marry either of you, in fear that I will marry the wrong person. I always regretted not making things happen between us, but it was just never right. Or I thought there is someone better out there. I have now realized there isn’t.

    We clash on some beliefs and things you do. But I just don’t know.

    I don’t know if I am supposed to invite you to my wedding if I marry him. Cause doing that, will finalize the fact that we never were.

    Right now, there is still a glimmer of hope shining at the end of the tunnel that I will know what to do, and that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

    Please come back to me.

    I can’t live without you.

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