• Out Of My Head

    by  • February 10, 2011 • Frustration, Grief, Hatred, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I’m so tired of the endless thoughts of you, of seeing you everywhere. I can’t enjoy shows, because you are there. There is not a single song that I listen to, that you are not a part of somehow. Nothing that I do goes without you flashing in my head. And I’m pissed. I’m furious that you have fooled me not once, but twice, and you still manage to infiltrate my every waking and sleeping moment. I don’t want to see your face, feel your lips, or your touch when I’m with him. I don’t want this NEED to call you, talk to you, when my Grandmother eventually gave up the fight. I shouldn’t want you there to hold my hand, to wipe away my tears, to soothe my breaking heart with just your presence. He’s a good man and deserves all of me. But he doesn’t have all of me, now does he? No, because for whatever reason you have a hold of me. You have me whenever you want me, but you don’t. I know this, I’m not an idiot. So why are you still in there?

    You’d think I would have wised up by now. It’s been almost 3 years since I last saw you. I’m so sick of this feeling. You don’t want me; if you did, you’d have me. So why, WHY, do I let you continue to have this hold over me? Please just get the hell out of my head.

    Or make a fucking move. If I’m completely off base here, SAY SO. But you won’t, because you’ll never see this. And you’ll continue to blame me for moving on and choosing him. I hate you. I love you. I love you so much that I hate you. And you’ll continue to eat away at my soul each and every day, until one of us passes.

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