• I love you.

    by  • February 10, 2011 • Confession, Confusion, Doubt, Fear, Frustration, Help, Love - Pure and Simple, Thoughts, Yearning • 1 Comment

    Dear Love,

    I’m worried and though I usually don’t have the strength to talk about the thoughts in my mind, it’s different with you. You make me feel alive and I’ve never loved someone in this way. Those other times when I was “in love,” they were nothing compared to what we have. In the short amount of time I’ve known you, it feels like I’ve known you forever and I appreciate you so much. But I’m just worried about the thoughts circulating in my head and how aggravated the voices are getting now. They’re getting stronger and are trying to break through the brick walls I‘ve created, trying to tempt me to cut again. Trying to get me to do horrible things.

    They’re really fucking hungry and they want to tear me apart because you make me happy. They told me they’re going to take you away, but I won’t let them. You are the only thing that keeps my head above the dark waters in my brain. You make me rise above the grey and into the yellow. But I feel them, ripping & tearing away at the fabrics of my sanity. I’m slowly unraveling at the seams, as if it’s something from another universe making me insane for its own entertainment. I can’t control my thoughts or emotions and though it’s been like that for awhile, it‘s been getting worse. I don’t want to scare you away. I know you love me, but I just hope you’ll love me after seeing this side of me. I wanted to hide the crazy side of me for as long as possible but everything‘s falling apart now. I need you to know how I feel. You’re the only person I can trust. I feel like I’m not the amazing and beautiful girl you believe me to be, but just a twisted cliche of a tragedy that’s losing her mind day by day.

    As each day passes, I can feel them conspiring and plotting when they‘re going to attack next. I don‘t know what their plans are, but I know they want to make you disappear so my happiness fades. I don‘t know what to do with that feeling; happiness. All I know is that whenever I’m around you, my heart fills with love and I never want to stop kissing you or holding you or caressing your face. But, they want me to end. I don’t know how much longer I can fight them. It feels like my time’s almost up. They‘re gonna eat me alive. Help me, you’ve made me weak. Help me, they’re trying to break through. Help me, I feel their anger coursing through my veins and pounding in my heart. They’re going to strike soon and I know drastic measures will have to be taken to annihilate them. Please make it stop. Please let your love surround me and choke them to death so they can no longer torment me. I love you. So much.

    One Response to I love you.

    1. anonymous
      August 21, 2011 at 8:27 am

      Did you win or did the voices? If I had known you I would have encouraged you so see a psychiatrist. They dont want you to get help either. You can win this battle!

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