There is so much I need to say. So.. Much.. So, I guess we’ll start at the beginning and see where we end up.
Hey there, how’s it going?
I’m not a nice person. I’m really not, so don’t try to tell me any different. I don’t like most of my friends. They bug me, they piss me off, they’re annoying as hell. But I stick around. Because I need them. I don’t want to look like a loner. Though sometimes, I wish I was alone. Because, like I said, I don’t like most of my friends.
I also am a bit of a hypocrite. I’m honestly scared that no one likes me either. That they’re sticking with me so they don’t look all alone. Or maybe, because they’re good, nice people. I just feel like no one likes me. Because, well, what is there to like?
You can tell me you love me. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Every SECOND. I won’t believe you. The more I hear it, the more it sounds like a rehearsed lie. I don’t tell many people I love them. It’s not comfortable for me. People will say I love you, and all I can do is nod and smile. I may love them too, but if I tell them, it’s like I’m giving them a bit of my heart, and I can’t have it back. I’ll never get it back. And one day, maybe I’ll need it. And it won’t be there.
Same with kissing. I’ve had boyfriends. But I haven’t kissed them. I can trust and love someone. But if I kiss them, in my mind, it’s like connecting with them. And it’s a special connection they can control me with. I won’t be controlled.
Let’s move on to hugging. I tell most people I don’t like hugs. That’s not true. It’s not true at all. I love hugs. I LOVE HUGS. There are only two people I like to hug though. My friend K, and my friend B. To me, a hug isn’t just a quick greeting. It means something. I hug people that I can talk to. That I can tell anything. They’re the ones who get hugs.
I feel like there’s more for me to say, but I just can’t bring myself to type anymore. I’m such a lazy ass.
This one goes out to you mom!
I’m not being a rebellious teen, I mean this. For real.
I fucking hate you. Get out of my life and leave me alone.