Everyone thinks they know you so well. Your– no, our friends– think they know you so well. My friends do. Everyone does. But they don’t. How do you put up such a well constructed facade for everyone? Or is the facade only for me?
“He has no morals or values. He likes to cross lines.”
“He will fuck you over.”
“Wait, you’re referring to a sociopath? Yeah, sounds like him. Minus the caring part. He cares. But everything else sounds right.”
“He’s a liar. You won’t be able to stop him from that.”
These things… they say them, and they hurt. Because I want to defend you. I want to defend you so badly, but I know that the skeptical looks that I will receive will shoot me down again.
I’ve had so many conversations with you. I know that you don’t really open up to people, although it seemed as if you did at first. I’ve seen you cry, I’ve heard it. I’ve listened to your stories and taken back things that I’ve thought about you. I used to think all of your emotions were an act– back when i found out that you did screw me over. I put off every conversation before that as bullshit. As something that you constructed to win me over, and who knows, maybe it was. But things changed… again.
You act so… I don’t know the words. In public, you’re you. Calm, cool and collected. You say things that cross lines and you act so conceited and like nothing bothers you. I used to think that was you. Then we began talking more and more, and that wall that you had built slowly started to disintegrate.
I caught you in a lie and called you out on it. I was pissed, and you acted sorry. I told you what I thought of liars, and how quickly I would drop you if i found out you lied to me again. You admitted to me how often you lied. I consider that a step forward.
I just… it pisses me off how people think they know you so well, but they haven’t a clue. So i bite my lip, and hold my tongue, and rely on the knowledge that I know you best, or so i hope.