Click here for a letter.Tonight, I stop being the nice guy. I had hopes and dreams of a perfect love. Since the 2nd grade, all I wanted was to meet a girl who was deserving of my unconditional love and put her at the center of my universe. I’m a sophomore in college now and I still hope for the same things.
I dated someone for 10 months who became the center of my universe. We talked about marriage and kids. We knew where we wanted to live, when we wanted these things to happen, and what our kids names would be. We fantasized about growing old and dying together. We gave each other our virginities. If it was a serious love topic, we had covered it. I’d never been so happy in my life – I thought all of my hopes and dreams were finally coming true. I had found “the one”, and she told me that she had found the same. We promised each other we’d never be apart, that we’d work through any problems we encountered.
Then she left because suddenly she didn’t want that future with me anymore. She wanted to explore other guys and wanted to have casual relationships. Of all of the girls I’ve known throughout the years, she was the last one I thought would do this to me. Over the course of two weeks, the girl I fell in love with died, and a new one took her place. Now, she won’t even talk to me.
This proves that nice guys really do finish last. I still want my happy ending, but I no longer think it’s truly possible.
Girls, I will learn to attract, comfort, and seduce you. I’ll be that guy who slips in under the radar, who you suddenly find yourself kissing without remembering exactly when he started hitting on you. I’ll meet each and every one of you in the hopes of finding “the one”, but I won’t be the nice guy. That part of me is dead. Please, one of you, prove to me that my hopes aren’t a pipe dream. Until then, I declare myself incapable of love.
Sincerely,
zp55
don’t do that. not all girls want casual relationships and want to explore different guys. it sucks that this happened to you, but sometimes when guys are so sure of things, its scary. but don’t give up! Nice girls might date ass holes, but they marry nice guys.
I feel so similar…though I’m female. It seems the only guys I can find are pigs, and the one I thought was “the one” is someone else’s now…
Don’t let the nice guy really die, dear, for when you DO find her – she’ll deserve all you can give her, just as you deserve all she can give you.
It may not seem like it some days, but you are young yet…your time will come. I know it.
I don’t know you. I’m not going to pretend I do. But it does sadden me to read this letter. Girls will be bitches. And we will do stupid things.
I don’t think you can ever give up on love though. Nice guys don’t finish last. Sometimes girls have to go through 5 or 6 assholes before they wise up and find themselves a nice guy. I did. I found mine. He is by no means a smooth talker, and he’s not particularly good at flirting.
Yet I find myself wanting to be with him forever.
I hope for you the best. I hope you will find another girl, one who truly appreciates you, and everything you give her. You have a lot to offer.
Please don’t stop being a nice guy.
don’t give up. there’s still girls out there looking for boys like you. take this with a grain of salt and become a stronger person from it. you only lost someone who doesn’t love you, but she lost someone who loves her so much.. you win.
i want to stop being the nice guy :/
i don’t get anywhere
Don’t give up! It’s hard and awful right now but you have to know that there are women out there who have lost trust and faith in men and are looking for someone just like you. Let yourself go through a phase of being an asshole or whatever you need to get over her but don’t give up.
I had the same thing happen to me. He told me I was “the one” and everything was fine till he went off to college. i had to stay behind to save up money. two years and four months together. He just recently broke up with me and He’s not the same person i fell in love with. Don’t worry there are girls, like me, who are looking for the same thing you are. You just have to look a little harder and someday your princess will show up. I’m still looking for my prince.
I’ve been in the exact same situation. Am currently, I too am a sophomore in college and fell in love with a guy I thought was great. Our stories perfectly align, he cheated on me and I forgave him, and now, after a year together, he doesn’t want me and all the unconditional love I have/am willing to give him. It’s really too bad, it’s good to know there’s a nice guy out there somewhere.
I am that woman who broke three good guy’s heart. I am that cold and horrible person. I regret every day the mistake I made. I’d bet the girl who lost you feels the same way.
Hello zp55,
I am… possibly used to be… like your ex-girlfriend. I was sure I wanted a serious committed relationship. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and growing old, and I want that, but I don’t know if I’m ready for something so intense right now. I don’t know what to do because he is like you a nice guy and I can’t imagine hurting him. I want that life and I want it with him… I think.. but I want to have as many experiences as possible. I wish I would have met him 3 years from now. After I’ve enjoyed being young and carefree. I don’t know what to do though because if I want to be young and carefree I’ll lose him. If I stay with him though I worry I’ll miss out on a time to enjoy life and learn exactly who I am. I’m sorry that you were hurt, but there are girl like that out there. They’re probably not between the ages of 19-22 though. Don’t change because of what someone else did to you. You lost your girlfriend, don’t lose yourself too.
lost and confused,
Ann99
Listen, I’m one of those girls. The ones who hope of finding “the one.” Don’t say that you’ll be that asshole who will only seduce me and in the end hurt me. I’ve only met those guys so far. I haven’t met a “nice guy” like you used to be. Don’t be one of the jerks I’ve dated in the past, please. I’m speaking from the position of a girl who hasn’t met a nice guy like you. We’re out there and any of us would be more than thrilled to find a good guy like you.
It honestly baffles me that anyone who is in a committed relationship would trade it in for a few for meaningless ones. I’m truly sorry. But this didn’t happen to you because you’re a nice guy. The relationship you had started because you’re a nice guy. It ended because some people just can’t handle the commitment we’re all supposed to be trying to achieve, and believe me, I’ve been there. Some people just aren’t strong enough for love, and sometimes we have to learn that the hard way.
Turning into something you’re not will only lead you down a worse path. Keep being a nice guy, even though you may think it is getting you no where. No girl will be able to prove to you that your hopes aren’t a pipe dream, unless you give her what she deserves from you, from the get-go. Please, don’t make everyone else pay for one girl’s mistakes. For some of us, a nice guy is exactly what we’re looking for.
I hope you find what you’re looking for, too.
If you say that nice guys finish last, I’ll one up you and say: “We may finish last but we do the job the best.” And even though we nice guys are overlooked and neglected, we get our day in due time. But as you notice, “time” is another four letter word just like “love,” they’re just words used to describe feelings and existence. So go out there and be the best person possible.
I am feeling the exact same way right now. I’m going through the same thing right now. And, the nice guy part of me is dead. No matter what any girl says about how you make her feel and how no one else does this to them, it’s not true. They will always find someone who does whatever it is better then you.
Nice guy – please don’t stop being you…
We need you…
I’m not going to tell you not to do that. But I am going to tell you that you are being stupid. You can do what you want, it’s your life, but honestly girls do want good guys. And from what it sounds like you want a girl to be serious with, to plan your future with.. and bad guys? They don’t get that. Good guys do.
I’ve been screwed over by the type you are trying to become. I hated him. He hurt me. He hurt a lot of girls. Think about it some more.. if you want to be an asshole, and play girls..?
Many times have I thought Id give up on love, because of the guys that screw me over, but now I’m waiting for a nice guy. Someone who wants to be serious, and isn’t going to use me or treat me bad. That doesn’t play games or mess with my head. Girls get screwed over by the bad guys, and then wait for the good guy.
I know personally, I’m at the point where I look past “types” and just look at that person as a whole, I’m sure soon enough some girl will do the same for you.. if you dont give up on love, or become “that guy” you seem so interested in becoming.
Peace out, make a smart decision here on what you are going to end up doing.
~S.
This same thing has happened to me too. It hurts like a bitch at first, but after awhile you will see that everything will be okay. How you feel now will go away and you will be wiser and better from it when its all said and done. Best thing to do is move on. Don’t become an asshole, that’s the easy way out. You wont find that amazing, perfect girl that waiting for you out there if your trying to be something your not.
I am a girl, and I have lost hope of ever finding a nice guy. They’re all assholes. Please don’t become them. I would do anything to meet you and fall in love with you- the nice you. Someday, you will convince a girl who has lost hope that there are still nice guys out there.
Hey, i know that right now that seems like the best option. But seriously, that girl had no idea what she was losing. I gave this guy my everything as well and we had these huge plans the same as you and then he just up and moved to Idaho. I totally know what you are going through but closing yourself off isn’t the best answer.
Dear nice guys,
Please do not give up. I would hate for my future prince to not be my prince because some asshole girl broke his heart and he turned into a jerk.
Sincerely,
nice girls
I feel the same as you.
My boyfriend did the same thing, only we were going out for 3 years. It sucks.
Hi,
I was one of those girls. I went out with my exboyfriend for 4 years. They were great and I learned what love was, but he was my very first boyfriend. His life is not headed in the same direction as mine. He is not the same person I first started to date, which is perfectly understandable. We had some tough times, but we still love each other (or at least, I still love him) in a way… but not the same way. I left because we were both restless, I was leaving town, and I wanted to try other things. Maybe your exgirlfriend wanted simply to be a young single woman, or maybe she wants to be a slut. Do you really think she didn’t love you? If so, maybe 10 months isn’t a good enough measure. I loved my ex, I don’t regret a single thing about those 4 years except the pain I caused him at the end, but I want to live differently now.
Don’t be a douche. It will never make you happy or bring you love.
Don’t give up on love. It always teaches something.
I’ll drink to this.
it seems this always happens to the good guys. the cycle of whore fucks over good guy,good guy turns to bad,bad guy fucks over good girl,good girl turns to whore. its a horrible cycle. but you will find someone who is worthy and you cant let this one mistake take over your life. be more careful next time<3
You made the right choice. I can only give you my honest opinion. I was a nice guy too and gave my life, entirely and completely, to someone who I thought would be there for me. I wasn’t just nice, I was that guy in any and every movie you’ve ever seen and wept over because you didn’t think he was real. Then she cheated on me. I forgave her – dumb. I still have trust issues because of this girl. Since then I’ve been with several other girls and figured out what makes me happy instead of being the nice guy that dedicates myself to one other person. I still have hope in finding someone to share my life with, but it certainly doesn’t take being your stereotypical “nice guy” to find the right girl. Get out there and experience life. It’s been 5 years and the experience has still stuck with me. That sense of romantic entanglement will never leave you but it can make you stronger. Romanticism is as small of a gesture as spending time with a girl. Sure beats spending your time on a dumb website, trolling the internet. Hang in there and seriously, get your head out of the gutter. There will ALWAYS be someone else.
You should never treat any woman with unconditional love unless she’s your mother. Getting dumped is never fair but it takes two to make and break a relationship. You might want to consider what you might have done to make her desire a more carefree relationship with someone else, and treating her like your mother might be a good place to start.
bros b4 hoes, keep the pimp hand strong
You don’t need to stop being a nice guy, just stop being a ‘yes’ man…I’m sure you were the type that said yes to any and every occasion…don’t be afraid to say ‘no’. If you can stand your ground and be able to say ‘no’ when you truly mean it and suggest other things instead of just saying ‘yes’, your game and heart will be better off.
Coming from a guy who has been in the same boat…have your edge but don’t be an asshole to hurt her, respect her, love her, play hard to get (forever and ever), make her laugh, always have her back and you’ll be better off.
What the goddamn fuck. I was under the impression that all good guys had vanished from existence. Bitches like your ex are still exterminating you!? God damn it! I’ve been searching for twenty long years for a guy I wouldn’t be ashamed to call my boyfriend, and now you’re telling me you’re a dying breed. Just fucking kill me.
Oh, but don’t get me wrong. I’m sorry this happened to you, really I am. I’m as sick as you are of these awful girls and guys who will toss out something meaningful in favor of instant gratification. It turns my stomach that the fairy tale romance so many of us dream of becomes so corrupted and morphs into a twisted game of “how many dates can I get before age 13?!?!1?”
Hell, if you’d been my boyfriend, I’d be fucking proud. Men like you are few and far between, and getting farther, by the looks of it. Your girl was lucky, and she’s missing out now that she’s turned her back on you.
Don’t stop trying. Brush off the dust and I’m sure the rest of us girls would make pretty good dates. Just been a while since getting a date didn’t involve dressing and behaving like the sluts we’re not.
Please, don’t turn into someone incapable of love. Trust me when I say this, you will find the one. I cannot say it has happened to me yet, and I have gone through exactly what you are going through right now. Be strong. Hold your head up high and just be yourself. The right girl will come along. I promise. It will take some time, but please, dont’ give up. I am the female version of you.
Look at all these messages, all these girls asking you not to give up. Hell, I wish you were MY boyfriend, so I could hold you close and treasure the wonderful guy you are, so I could explore my life and experience new things with you. What kind of girl would give up a wonderful guy like you whose willing to do anything for their girl?
Please, I’m begging you, don’t let them win, don’t become the kind of guy that makes a hopeless romantic like me give up on love. Somewhere out there is a girl whose wishing for a man like you to come into her life. Please…
A sample size of 1 is not very scientific.
I’m in a relationship with one of the nice guys. I have to go on holiday for nine days with my family. I won’t have any way of talking to him for those 9 days, and it’s already breaking my heart. I am here to prove that us nice girls do exist; that we do want the nice guys; that we do want to feel like our guy would do anything for us.
But.
Sometimes, us nice girls like change. Not that there was anything wrong before, but we feel as if something is missing, even if it isn’t. We want to try something different because you only live once. We want to explore life and all it has to offer. We want to ask “Why?” and get a different response.
Sometimes the nice girls are bitchy because they are too self-absorbed to see the bigger picture.
Don’t give up.
The time for you, the nice guy, to be adored and never let go of will come.
I promise.
Love,
Jules
Wow, you gave up so fast. That’s disappointing. Nice guys stay nice guys. Welcome to douche bag world, you will find many men like you and y’all can be unhappy together. Your “nice girl” is going to pass you by and that will be YOUR fault
Maybe you should stop looking for something in return. Why does being a “nice guy” mean I owe you anything? Why can’t I appreciate your friendship as just that? Why do you expect me to see you as a romantic prospect? Are you being a nice person because you’re genuinely a nice person, or because you want something in return? It has nothing to do with being a “nice guy” or a “bad boy”. Dwell on that.
I’m sorry if you feel that you’ve been used or mistreated by women. That’s a shitty feeling. But you cannot expect anything more than a sincere “thank you” from me when you do something “nice”.
Love is the illusion that one woman differs from another.
Grace,
I don’t see it as nice guys being people who do good deeds. I see being a nice guy as being someone who loves genuinely, as opposed to consistently screwing women over, which is a factor in men that women spend hours upon hours bitching about.
So I think when guys try to do what they believe is right, and genuinely love the other person, there comes expectations, because love is not love without vulnerability. A perfect love with be unconditional, but that just isn’t possible, because true love requires surrender of pride.
I think it becomes disheartening when guys hear girls constantly bitching about the way they are treated, and when they treat girls how they believe they are supposed to be treated in a relationship, they, in turn, get screwed over.
It’s a catch 22 with mixed signals, as love always is.
Maybe she dumped you because you’re such a winey fag and she fancied dating someone with balls?
If you give up hope at 20 for love and try to drown your sorrows in becoming a guy who doesn’t care about the girls he is with that girl who could change your mind will instead be hurt by you. I vote you be the stronger one. She wasn’t worthy of you. Okay. That truly sucks. We have all been hurt, or will be hurt. Its what you do after that, that begins to define who you are. And the great thing is, you get to decide.
please dont.
the world needs nice guys with hopes and dreams like you.
if she isn’t with you, if she “wanted a change”, if she does one thing but said she’d do another: she isn’t “The One”. keep searching and i know it will be hard, it might get sad and difficult…but please don’t give up like that.
i have a friend and he is such a player-but he claims he was once faithful to a girl back where he moved from. then a similar thing happened-and she left without saying goodbye.
he was sad and decided to be this way to protect himself, when really all he is doing is pushing away what could/would/should become.
what WILL eventually happen is love that truly is unconditional and irreplaceable.
So don’t give up. If anything, I still believe in you, and your capability to find someone better, and all the guys like you.
SIGH. You were in college, your “true love” turned out not to be so true after all, and now you think you are “incapable of love” ? How naive and over-dramatic. And how could she do that to you? Ummmm…do what? Do what she felt like was best for her, do what she wanted to do, not stay in a relationship that didn’t fulfill her anymore? Stop pretending like you are some kind of victim here. I know it might feel like the end of the world like now, but my advice is MOVE ON. P.S. Stop calling yourself a nice guy, and read this: http://zeldalily.com/index.php/2009/04/its-always-the-nice-ones-why-nice-guys-suck/
Forget being a nice guy – just be a good person. Nice guys more often then not are overlooked, abused, and are seen as pushovers. Don’t be a nice guy, becoming a good person is so much more important because it encompasses the best quietly that a person can become without being nice (trying hard or not) by itself. You stand strong for caring about your friends and family, boyfriends and girlfriends. Not all nice guys are actually nice as are all nice girls actually are, some pretend to be such in order to manipulate other peoples feelings or to deny who they really are.
I used to be you, that nice guy who used to do all those things nice things and my kindness was taken advantage of and when my lover passed away, I further became distraught and became a cynical with a penchant for being mischievous or as you call it “douche bag.” I was at a dark place and longed to be with someone but saw that being in a relationship such as the one you had would be scary and painful.
Once I removed myself from both phases I came out new but taking different aspects from both and coming into a self-actualization that I could be happy as the good guy – the one that isn’t a pushover that does the right thing whilst being empathetic and loving the people who are important to my life and hopefully in some cases you feel the same down the line for yours.
That is my answer to the nice person towards another who may be similar regardless of the gender, be the better man/woman and love this person as well as respect them and more so that in such a relationship it takes to be in love and that person must be able to convey that without reservation.
Hey bro! I experienced the same. I was dedicated to my now ex. We also had a child together. I dedicated myself to my family. I lacked experience because quality was better than quantity according to me. She was once the same in thought.
We were young parents (early to mid 20′s). She soon met some female single co-workers who changed her to a different person. She hated me and chose to break up our family so she could have casual relationships. I won 50/50 custody of our child but I had to lie to a judge… I didn’t have a home, when my child was with me… we were homeless. Any money I had went to my child. There was a span where for 2 weeks all I ate was bread and drank water.
My ex will never what hardship she imposed on my child and myself so she could party. I still have her email of her mocking me that I loved her and our child “too much.”
She is free and is still living that party life, while I am still working on getting my feet together. I am that nice guy but I am also very responsible.
Two years past… I have gone from homelessness to making about 70k a year. I am proud that I never left my child’s side.
Sadly, I am only in my upper twenties and I have been rejected or put into the friend zone by countless women. Its the last remaining “sadness” that I experience. So many women after knowing me have told me that I am a once in a lifetime guy but are all taken. I do everything on my own (cook, clean, finances, being a single father) which have brought me countless blessings but not that special lady.
So I went through something far worse than what you had to endure. The outcome… I was upset and wanted to hate women but then it dawned on me that my child loved that “dad” that was nice. My child is complimented for being such a warm child… which many have said “it comes from dad.” So I will remain that nice guy that every women pushes over.
I know deep inside that I will never finish. I cannot be second best to anyone because I been treated like second… and I still have bad memories from it. Its been two years since the breakup and I have been turned down 11 times (all put me into the friend zone). I am coming to accept that I might be alone forever because being a respectful person with manners and values is who I am and not who I am trying to be. I cannot change who I am and I will never, ever treat anyone like crap for my own benefit.
best of luck!
Grow up. Seriously.
Don’t stop being a nice guy. It means you’re basically giving up on a committed relationship.
However, take a step back here. Are you really suffering from being a genuine nice guy, one who is nice, but most girls will not approach… or are you being the idiot nice guy?
Nice guys are great. Many of the men I have pursued are declared nice guys. They’re the ones who, if you were in trouble, you knew they would be there. The ones that were more than happy to simply watch a movie rather that go out and get shit faced.
But you see, here I am, I have asked out, confessed to, and flirted with these nice guys, and I’m a girl who has nothing to show for it. Why? Because the nice guys are too busy pursuing that ONE GIRL. The one girl who doesn’t give a damn about them. The one girl who would rather have flings than try to settle down. And by chasing that one girl, they blind themselves to all of the great girls around them, and do the exact same thing to those girls that they complain about all the time… put them in the friend zone. And it’s not just me I’ve seen it happen too… countless friends of mine, absolutely phenomenal women, have been shot down because the guy already has someone in mind. And these guys turn around and declare that all girls must be bitches and complain about how they’ll never get a girl.
Now I’m not immediately accusing you of this, I’m just pointing out that this is something many many nice guys do. Just… step back from everything for a second and see if this sounds like you. Because you could have that chance to get a good relationship, one that is strong and fulfilling.
Now… to sum up, don’t stop being a nice guy. Right now girls want to play around, they want to have fun. But so many years from now, we’ll want a nice guy like you to settle down with. It’ll happen, don’t you worry.
I’m basing this off my experiences.
Being a decent guy, when the girl you really like says nothing going to happen between you and her, It hurts a lot. I’ve pretty much stopped looking for a relationship. That’s not to say that, if something came along that could possibly become a relationship I’ll pursue it without any expectations.
Something that would be worth working on, is working on confidence, when I called myself a nice guy, I hardly talked to random girls I just met. I love my gym days, I leave out of there feeling great.
I’m still fairly the same person, I’ve got my moments where I can be a prick, I don’t like those moments, I’d much rather do the right things because they’re the right thing to do not because I expect anything out of it.
I’ve been at that moment where I’m tired of being the ‘nice guy’ that just wanted to get rid of that of me. I really can’t do it, because that isn’t who I am, who I was raised to be.
My advice, take some time for yourself, do something crazy. My crazy moment was running around my college in my underwear. It was a lot of fun and worth the experience.
As a grown man, you should be mature enough to know that plans change, even feelings change. You have to be true to who you are and hold on to every good thing that comes your way. But when that something good wants to run away you have to let go. You can try to hold on with all your might by words of conviction and persuasion. That may even be what the something good wants, to know he/she is wanted. Tell him or her. Then, if they still want to run step away and reach for the next good things. And repeat. Someone will eventually stay if you continue to be a good man. You have to be a good man.
please don’t stop being you…we need you.
I only wish, in this magnificently colossal world, that I find you.
Oh my God, welcome to the world, people are going to fuck you over. If you are going to stop being nice because it doesn’t get you girls, then frankly you were never a nice guy at all.