Click here for a letter.Tonight, I stop being the nice guy. I had hopes and dreams of a perfect love. Since the 2nd grade, all I wanted was to meet a girl who was deserving of my unconditional love and put her at the center of my universe. I’m a sophomore in college now and I still hope for the same things.
I dated someone for 10 months who became the center of my universe. We talked about marriage and kids. We knew where we wanted to live, when we wanted these things to happen, and what our kids names would be. We fantasized about growing old and dying together. We gave each other our virginities. If it was a serious love topic, we had covered it. I’d never been so happy in my life – I thought all of my hopes and dreams were finally coming true. I had found “the one”, and she told me that she had found the same. We promised each other we’d never be apart, that we’d work through any problems we encountered.
Then she left because suddenly she didn’t want that future with me anymore. She wanted to explore other guys and wanted to have casual relationships. Of all of the girls I’ve known throughout the years, she was the last one I thought would do this to me. Over the course of two weeks, the girl I fell in love with died, and a new one took her place. Now, she won’t even talk to me.
This proves that nice guys really do finish last. I still want my happy ending, but I no longer think it’s truly possible.
Girls, I will learn to attract, comfort, and seduce you. I’ll be that guy who slips in under the radar, who you suddenly find yourself kissing without remembering exactly when he started hitting on you. I’ll meet each and every one of you in the hopes of finding “the one”, but I won’t be the nice guy. That part of me is dead. Please, one of you, prove to me that my hopes aren’t a pipe dream. Until then, I declare myself incapable of love.
Sincerely,
zp55
I’ve done this to guys, and I’m sorry. I’m the same age as you and serious relationships scare me. its something thats wrong with me, and your ex, but not you. don’t change. i solemnly told my current boyfriend that i wish my ex didn’t change when he told me he seemed different now
Ohh no. I am so sorry this had to happen to you, I hope and pray you find that “One”. She deserves the nice guy that you used to be. You’ll make that girl proud of who you are, and if shes the one she won’t brake your heart. I don’t even know you but I wish for the best because you seem like a GREAT guy. Don’t change, the good guys may finish last but get the best girl.
Good Luck.
You are still young, the world is not over. One thing I want to say is that you should never make a girl the center of your universe. She can’t carry that kind of weight. Let her be your partner on your life adventure, but don’t make her into the adventure. It will never work. Break-ups are hard, but you will be ok. Someday you will look back on this and be glad it turned out the way it did.
don’t let some b*tch turn you into that guy.
I have been her. Years later my heart aches and aches sometimes for the men I have hurt in the past. I was hurt a long time ago by my dad, and although I had no idea at the time, I was treating men how I had been treated. I learned to equate love from a man with coldness and distance and when someone loved me with an open heart I hurt them.
I’ve moved on, I’ve learned from my past mistakes. I am really a very genuine loving person and I cringe to think how deeply I have wounded others.
So I guess I am saying sorry for her, because one day she will look back and regret and wish she had it in her to do different at the time.
Dear zp55,
Tonight I start being a better person. I am a freshman in college and I have been that girl in the relationship. I have been the one to crush the nice guys and create the assholes. I am that girl that complains about how I can never find a nice guy. I know that I, and girls like me, are the reason guys like you get hurt.
I also know that I will be a better person now–that I will say “I love you” only when I mean it, stay with a nice guy who deserves my love, and make mine and someone elses dream of ‘true love’ come true.
To all the ex-nice guys out there: Don’t lose hope. The girls that don’t deserve you will leave, but you will find one who appreciates that you are a nice guy and you will both be happy. I promise.
Sincerely,
Jillian
Don’t give up on all girls yet. I’m a sophomore in college who has had nothing but a stream of jerks. I keep hoping one of them will be the “nice guy” but it hasn’t happened. I keep wanting to give up on guys and give in to the casual relationships that every guy I meet seems to only want but I know that’s not what I want. That girl is going to wake up one day and realize she gave up something that is a million times better than any amount of casual relationships and hookups will ever be. That world gets old fast and the guys aren’t worth it. Nice guys don’t finish last- the jerks who have to learn to grow up and become the nice guys one day do. You had the head start.
I fall in love with people very quickly… Not necessarily deep love, it may even just be the love for a friend… But I love very easily, and I therefore get hurt easily as well, because 9 times out of ten, no one is who they first appear, or no one seems to live up to the expectations or fantasies that I’ve built up on my own. After experiencing my first love, and my first broken heart, I became very cynical of love, and the prospect of a true love. Romantic comedies made me want to spew because I felt like they were all bullshit; the boy is always courting the girl in romcoms, and he is always the one who falls in love first, and chases her… but never in my life have I really experienced this. But you are that guy! That guy I hope to one day come in to contact with.
Even though you may have been shut down and hurt before, don’t let it stop you from loving fully and completely now. Because, fuck it. I would much prefer to love and give my all, at the risk of feeling vulnerable and being hurt, because loving feels GOOD, and a life full of loving is a lot better than a life full of fear, holding back, and playing games. One day you will find someone who will love you completely and unconditionally. But you won’t be able to find it unless you let yourself love first!
im sorry. every girl dreams of a guy like you. and then we pick the fixer upper.
keep going on. there are girls who have figured it out. there are girls who dont want the fixer upper. there are smarter grils out there. i promise. i know it doesnt help now.
not to be stereotypical….but uh you might look for the quieter type. the book nerds. the geeks. the not barbie doll proportions, the girls that have had their heart broken as many times as you have.
because you know, we have just as much trouble as you do.
i send my love.
Please don’t give up. I’ve been the girl who was left behind. I know how it hurts. I know how you just want to let go of everything you believed in before. I know how hard it is to believe that someone is out there and that they’ll be everything your ex was and more. But it’s true. Does it matter if you find them tomorrow or 20 years from now? No. Because at the end of your life, you would rather have had them for a short amount of time than not had them at all. Right? That girl is out there somewhere, just like the nice guy I’ve been waiting for is out there. We just have to be patient. We have to have hope. It’s not the end, it’s just the beginning. Please don’t close your eyes, she might pass you by. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, so learn from this experience and be better prepared for when you find your other half. You’ll appreciate her so much more for being everything you needed and deserved for so many years. Stay strong, don’t become like every other guy out there. There isn’t enough good guys to go around. We need every single one of you.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
If you do become “that kind of guy”, are you sure you’ll be happy?
Will that make your life worth living?
Do you really wanna kill the guy you once were and turn into a stereotype of “what a guy should be”?
If you do that then congratulations!
You have just proven to your ex that she made the right decision
to leave you because you were never meant to be THE PERFECT GUY
every nice girl has been praying for all her life.
DON’T GIVE YOUR EX THE SATISFACTION. MAKE HER REGRET LEAVING YOU BY BEING WHO YOU TRULY ARE… AND EVENTUALLY FINISHING LAST WITH A GIRL WHO TRULY DESERVES YOU.
IT ISN’T ABOUT FINISHING FIRST OR LAST– IT’S ABOUT FINALLY BEING HAPPY WITH SOMEONE WHO SHARES HER LIFE WITH YOU WITH ALL THE SINCERITY, LOVE AND RESPECT A PERSON IS CAPABLE OF GIVING.
What you’re trying to do is merely a cause and effect type of decision.
She hurt you. You opt to hurt every other woman you meet for
the rest of your life. — LAME. SHALLOW. STUPID.
There’s nothing to gain by that.
You only have yourself to lose… so why lose yourself just to
justify the reason why she left you?
It isn’t a decision free from influence of another.
That girl is naive– just like you.
The two of you were both idealists. The thing is, you both have
yet to experience the true depth of what love can be.
GROW UP! SUCK IT UP AND LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE.
LOVE IS NOT LOVE UNTIL YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO LEARN FROM IT.
this was also done to me. guys can do the same thing ya kno. its still not cool tho. i hope you find your one dearie. cuz she deserves every bit of you, as you do her. dont kill the nice guy. i always liked the nice guys. some reason or another girls r attracted to assholes n it perplexes me. dont give up. theres hope yet
No! Please don’t change who you are. The world needs more nice guys. I speak for a lot of girls out there when I say I like nice guys. I’m really sorry that one girl hurt you so bad but don’t give up. You will find that perfect girl and she will love EVERY bit of who you are as you will her. You don’t need to change who you are. You’ll find the 100% perfect girl for you.
My friend and brother.
I too was that nice guy, always striving for that ideal love, only to have it ripped away from everytime to “that” guy. I tried everything I could to get there and took all of the advice that was given and then tried not taking the advice at all. Still I was left standing in his wake the wake of “that” guy. I always held the hope that she was out there, hell I even circled the globe (twice) looking. Nothing ever changed the fact that we finish last. So I changed, I became the guy I used to despise. After years of watching how he did had screwed me over I felt I knew him well, so I vowed to be the best of the best the worst of the worst. And so I am. and so I will remain. So when you’re done coming in last place every time i suggest you come join me, because the once NICE GUY becomes the BEST THAT GUY. AND WE DO NOT FINISH LAST. don’t listen to the women who say don’t change because they are the ones who have brought you your pain, for they are the ones that are always the same.
Not every girl is like this. There are some girls out there who are trying to find a guy who won’t lie to them or cheat on them….the trouble is finding them.
She wasn’t aware of how great a guy you are and how lucky she was to have you. She took it for granted. I am a girl trying to find that guy…my “one”, and I always see this situation happen to great guys. I wonder why would girls do that… when there ARE honest and caring guys out there. I understand. I am looking for the same thing. Wishing and hoping that the one will stay my one.
Dear Nice Guy,
PLEASE do not change. Nice guys are the shining hope and proof that life does not leave us all jaded. I was on your side of things, and was hurt by my first love. As hurt and in pain as I was, I never gave up hope that I would find that nice guy, that soulmate. I found many “not nice” guys before realizing that my husband is out there, hes just getting himself ready for me. My love now is a nice guy, a nice guy who has been cheated on, lied to, hurt, and betrayed…but never once stopped being that sensitive, passionate, guy. And now he is mine, and never will I let a nice guy like that go, because it is precious, and rare. So PLEASE, do not stop, because there is a girl out there wishing desperately for you, as you are, without any games or false “bad guy” pretenses. You are a soulmate. DO not give up.
Dear Sweet Man,
I stopped talking to someone that was extremely important to me because I was scared. He gave me another chance and I couldn’t talk to him because I found someone. I am afraid to talk to him again and…I am in complete regret and pain from this. I don’t want to talk to him because I think I will only give him great pain. I hate how this happened but I have to live with this.
I’m sorry that someone has done this to you and I hope that you will find that special someone. This is a really old post but I just wanted to say that I believe you will find that person and I really hope you do.
With love,
K
I for one gotta’ say man, thank you for putting this out there. Been there, done that and it sucks. Thank you for having the guts to say “hell no!”. Though I have to agree with everyone else on here and say don’t be that guy (the world doesn’t need more douchebags), I understand where you’re coming from and respect the hell out of ya’ for being the one to put your foot down!
I still love you. So please don’t give up on me yet. One day you’ll find me
Dear you,
I am the same age. I am a girl. I am doing the exact same thing as you and I am having the time of my life! I met men that didn’t care, and weren’t interested and went around the block and I decided I didn’t want to be that girl that falls for the bad guys. So I cut myself off, I reinvented myself and I’m doing me. I know it’s okay because it’s what I need to do for myself for a bit and ultimately I know the person that I will end up with will be able to see through my exterior, I know this because I met him. And he was a nice guy, that buys me flowers and discusses paralell universes where two people fall in love jsut like us. So I think that you should go do you for now, because one day, you’ll find someone better than it all and she will fall for the nice guy and you won’t have to pretend anymore!
You know, you and I are in the exact same boat.. with a guy for me though. Nice girls and nice guys finish last, but think of it this way. You learned a huge life lesson through that experience, and God has someone so spectacular for you. Imagine you loving someone even MORE than her. Someone who makes you HAPPIER than she did. It’s going to happen. Just be patient.
Hey, I just want to say I feel for you. I was in about the same situation, except I’m a girl. The ‘nice guy’ who talked about love and how that’s all he needed etc, just decided to leave me so that he could play around with other girls now that we entered college. Please stay a real nice guy. There are girls like me out there who don’t want to get hurt again and are looking for a nice guy, and who will give him love.
you fucking baby
THANK YOU. Pretty much put into words what was on my mind.
Preach it. I support and empathize with this guy’s conclusions. It’s only natural after watching such a majority of women do this very thing. It’s encouraging to see so many girls comment in the response that they want actually want a nice guy. If only it was easier to tell in everyday life.
The same thing just happened to me a few weeks ago, I’m a mess. The thing is I’m the girl, and he’s a guy. It goes both ways. He decided there must be more in life than me, and I still can’t even fathom it. Nice girls finish last too, and it sucks. I’m gonna try to move on- but it’s hard to find a nice guy like you- I’m looking though, I’ll keep looking too because I want to be a teacher, lover and mother and I want to find the man worthy of my time. I hope we find happiness, and maybe even in each other.
Smile, because so many girls like me are out there looking for you, and as the people betrayed by those we love- we deserve better.
If you want someone to prove to you that love is real and your “hopes aren’t a pipe dream”, then you can’t be an ass and seduce girls and break their hearts because yours was broken. Ultimately it is your choice, but if that is how you plan to act, if you cease to be the nice guy, then don’t expect to ever find true love, “the one”, happiness, or anything like it. Best of luck to you.
furthering andrea’s point…If you want someone to prove to you that love is real and your “hopes aren’t a pipe dream”, then you can’t be an ass and seduce girls and break their hearts [because yours was broken].”
No reason to add [because yours was broken] cuz the reason doesn’t matter. 99% of time we’re lying to ourselves about reasons we treat people badly anyway. We must justify it which is DIFFERENT than finding the reason. As such, this doesnt even make sense. The actual reason explaining why will not JUSTIFY the actions but rather explain why we made those choices were made at that specific time. We make specific choices to bring specific results. One might argue, “i wasn’t thinking”! but it’s not true. Really it goes like this “I was thinking only about how i could get the results i wanted”.
Well, I’m waiting on the one guy to change my mind. Because all of them have screwed ME over. So, don’t be that guy. Don’t let one girl change you for the worse. Be the guy who changes a girls mind. Be the guy who gives me hope to fall in love.
Don’t shatter yourself.
Your better than that.
We’re better than that.