Archive for February 8th, 2011

You will never fully comprehend the extent to which I tried. A girl can only do so much. I can only fail so many times, before I decide to cut my losses and bow out gracefully.

I know you will never see this, and I would have no problem saying it your face. But I try to avoid seeing you anymore, and let’s face it, when we’re face-to-face, I tend to lose the ability to form coherent sentences. There’s just so much I want to say to you, I would never be able to organize it into an intelligent conversation.

After four years, you have finally convinced me that we are a lost cause. We could be perfectly happy, if you wanted to be. But I think you create problems that aren’t really there because maybe that’s all you know. You’ve convinced me that you’re incapable of being happy, at least in a bigger sense, and definitely not in the long run. We were probably doomed from the very beginning. Because I fell in love with you then, when you tried so hard for it. And I didn’t know you would stop trying, when we got comfortable. Maybe it’s unreasonable for me to expect it anymore from you, but I would have liked to still feel irreplaceable from time to time.

I’m rambling. My point is that it is really over this time. For me. I know you will come back, and that’s not because I think I’m that amazing. It’s because I know you, like the back of my hand, and in four years, through every fallout, you are always the one who comes back. And I am always the one who takes you. But I can’t anymore.

I will never be able to make you happy. And I honestly don’t think anyone will. Not for long. You are intent on being miserable and making everything complicated when it doesn’t have to be.

I am a real find, and I keep you satisfied, up to a point. But you are a malcontent, and I can’t change that. And I am finally, genuinely tired of trying.

I will always love you.
Or at least, I will always have loved you now.