• a weight off my chest

    by  • February 7, 2011 • Betrayal, Breaking Up, Cheating, Grief, Guilt, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret, Sorry • 0 Comments

    to my lover,

    we just broke up. i cried and screamed at you about how much you hurt me. you yelled back about how you are sick of always hurting me and that we are done. i reminded you about all the things you had ever done wrong in our relationship. i was looking for an apology, of course, but you shrugged me off and said you know that you are the one always wrong, and you are sick of hearing me tell you that.

    you know what the twisted thing about this whole story is? i cheated on you. twice. and you don’t know about it and never will.

    i am an awful person, obviously. i let you always think that you were the one that was fucking up, that you were the so called “horrible” person in this relationship. but the truth is, the horrible person is me. i can’t believe that i didn’t feel guilty about it. i even believed myself when i told you how bad you treated me. how fucked up is that? anyways, i am writing this letter to tell you how sorry i am. that i am the awful one in this relationship, not you. i deserved this break up. i deserve how you are treating me. i know you feel bad about how bad i am hurting over this break up, but i just want you to know that you don’t have to feel bad, because in the end it was me that fucked you over.

    i am so so sorry that i am such a twisted hypocrite of a person. i don’t know how to change, but i know that i have to. it was completely wrong what i did to you, but through it all, i loved you. you’ll never know that i cheated on you, you’ll never know that you weren’t the bad one in this relationship. and even though i know it just makes me even more of a fucked up person to just let you think that, i still won’t ever tell you. i am so sorry, and because i still love you, i will let you go now. tonight you will call me, and we will talk, and i will simply tell you that i am fine and we need to stop talking. i will let you go without pain, without you feeling guilt, because that is the only possible thing i can do to ever redeem myself. i am so sorry.

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