• Mom, I didn’t stop.

    by  • February 4, 2011 • Abuse, Addiction, Anger, Confession, Family Stuff, Guilt, Help, Parents, Self-Esteem, Sorry • 0 Comments

    Mom,
    You sent me away last year, and for good reason. I was cutting, and I needed help. I couldn’t ever tell you, but it only made it worse. The therapists thought they had me all figured out. They didn’t. I’m a devious little shit and lied my way out of the hostpital. And now I’m home. And you think I’m cured. I’m not. You don’t think to ask about the black wrist warmer I always wear. You don’t even notice. I’m not even mad at you about it, just at myself. Why do I have to be so weak? What is wrong with me? Actually I have the answer to that one– I have PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. Oh and I think I might be schitzo, but there is no way in hell I can tell you that. I won’t take my meds. They fuck me up even more. But I could care less. I even keep up my goody two shoes act for you. Honor Roll, cus I’m in HS now, so it counts, but you don’t know how much I drink, or about the drugs I do. Not that you can care, your married to an alcoholic, and your a bigger stoner than Lil’ Wayne. Not that you know who that is. But thats irrelavant. What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I lied. But I’m not able to stop now. Does that make me a compulsive liar too? Probably. But I don’t care. Just remain ignorant, because where I am at right now is safe, and familiar. And It’s how I cope. And you can’t really stop me anyway. So sorry. I guess.

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