• Confused

    by  • February 4, 2011 • Friends, Grief, Lost Love, Miss You • 1 Comment

    I miss you, that much I can be sure of, I’m just not sure quite HOW I miss you. Is it that I miss my best friend? You were my best friend, for three years, you were the first person I went to when I was upset, or when I was happy, or when I saw something really silly that I thought you’d get a kick out of.

    You were the person I trusted above all others. You really were my best friend, but you were so much more then that. You were my first love. I did love you with everything I had, and then some. I loved you until it ran me ragged, and I never doubted that you loved me just as much.

    And that’s why it hurt so much to leave you, to realize that all of those fairy tales and pretty songs lied. Love is not enough. Love will NEVER be enough. So I took all that strength you helped me find in myself, all that self sufficiency you inspired, and I used it to leave you. It felt so cruel, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I know I was right in doing it.

    And that’s why I’m so miffed that I STILL miss you. Nearly two years later, I’m with someone else, someone who, much to my surprise, treats me better then you did, who’s just as faithful and loyal and honest with me, but without so much of the drama we had. Why do you still linger in my thoughts? Is it that I miss my friend, or is it that I miss what we were together?

    Do you ever think about me, too?

    One Response to Confused

    1. Ann
      February 4, 2011 at 8:11 am

      My mom tells me sometimes how she loved her first love in high school just as much as she loves my step-dad, who she’s been happily married to for 18 years. I think sometimes she still misses him when she talks about him. I think some people we just love (and miss) forever, even when we’ve found someone else. I guess that’s just life.

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