• The girl who makes me like girls

    by  • February 3, 2011 • Betrayal, Cheating, Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    I’m not sure what else there is to say to you. You keep telling me you’re not worth it. Well I’m not sure if you really believe that. Are you just trying to let me down gently? Or do you really care enough about me not to want to hurt me? You should know that not being up front hurts me much more than you being told ‘no’.

    I can’t say I’m surprised you hooked up with her. Don’t think that it doesn’t make my blood boil. I’m just not surprised. I can picture you right now—shyly pretending you don’t know how beautiful you are, acting like you don’t know she wants you, thinking you didn’t send her any signals to think you wanted it.

    The truth is, you don’t know what you want. Three weeks ago you told me to leave you alone. Two weeks ago you told me you wanted me as your girl friend, but that I’d fucked it up. A week ago you’re calling me just to talk about life. Two days ago you’re apologizing for hooking up with someone else. And now you’re barely talking to me.

    You occupy so many of my thoughts, so much of my time. I feel you in my head and in my chest.

    And I guess I’m not exactly innocent on my part. If he knew the way I felt about you, if he knew about the things we’ve done…Well that would make me just like you. Toying with someone. Playing them. keeping them just close enough so that they fall, but always keeping them at an arm’s length.

    I used to love how we were a secret. Now it’s just taxing.

    I see the signs now that you want nothing to do with me. I was a fling. You’re a confident, experienced, beautiful, knows-how-to-make-girls-melt player. I am an innocent, confused, doesn’t-know-how-to-woo-a-girl child.

    They warned me about you. You warned me about you. I want to believe that you are more than what they say. I saw glimpses of something more.

    But when it comes down to it, you’re a manipulative bitch who is so insecure that she constantly needs the attention of everyone.

    So there it is. No more wine. No more coming over in the middle of the night. No more movie sessions and sleep overs. No more dinners or hookah. I’m not doing it. I won’t be another girl who falls for you.

    But deep down I still hope that you’ll change your mind. I’m pathetic and you’re evil.

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