• Dear You

    by  • February 1, 2011 • Abuse, Confusion, Grief, Lost Love, Self-Esteem, The Ex • 0 Comments

    when you first started paying attention to me, i felt like the luckiest girl on earth.

    when you asked me out, i was on top of the world.

    when we first started dating, i had never been happier.

    then, everything changed.

    the first couple months were perfect. i could not have asked for anything better. but then i began to become the source of all your anger and you took it all out on me. dented cars, broken windows, glass embedded in my fragile face, bruises on my pale body, phones snapped in half. i have never been called more awful names in my life: hideous, fat, bucktoothed, cunt, bitch, whore, slut. even though i know i am none of those things.

    maybe i was doing something wrong, but why couldn’t you just leave me? why did you have to hurt me so deeply?

    i’ll never know why i was as dumb as i was. and what made me stay with you so long. but it was long enough for you to make me absolutely hate myself. you had me convinced i didn’t deserve happiness. i didn’t deserve to breathe.

    you made me want to die. because of you, i tried to kill myself multiple times. threw myself out of cars, cut my wrists, calves, and thighs so deep, pills, everything i could get my hands on.

    and now once i’ve realized i’m worth so much more than you ever made it seem. i’ve found the love of my life who tells me how beautiful i am, and tells me he loves me daily. i’m a million times happier with him than i ever was with you.

    so why do i still get so sad? why do i still have these feelings of worthlessness? why do i still have the urge to hurt myself? why are you still messing with my head?

    i’m over you. i have been for a while. but why did you have to mess with my head so much? why did you have to affect me so much? i would never even talk to you again, but why did you have to fuck me up so bad?

    it’s been forever since i’ve even talked to you, but yet your friends are still harassing me, calling me awful names.

    when will this ever go away?

    i’ve had to block you on facebook, twitter and all your numbers.

    i just want to be okay again…

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