STILL TORN
Torn between two times in my life
My past and my future
Torn between a passionate love
and faded forest road signs
(Secret Mountain FR231)
Torn between the loss of a love
and the loss of a friendship …
greater than I’ll ever know
Torn between ripping up photos
or plastering your face wherever I go
Torn between the love
and the hate that I have for you
Torn between wishing you two the best
and hoping your time with her doesn’t last
Torn between your words of encouragement
and the abrasive words you swore were me
Torn between the life I imagine for us
and the ruin I see now before me
Torn ideals of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP
Torn and tear streaked journals in abundance
Torn as to whether to show up at your door…
for just a look or a hug from you
Torn as to what to do with myself…
just as you always lamented,
that’s what I needed you for
Torn between memories of your face
beneath the pine trees
of our once so beautiful love
Oh the photographs and memories still haunt me
Torn ideas of marriage and devotion
Torn ambition and motivation
for finding another kindred spirit
to share the secrets of my soul
Torn by wondering if you are happy
or sad now
Torn as to why I should still care for you as I do
Torn as to whether to be angry
(pennies flying and doors breaking)
or to fall hopelessly into the wet pillows
that are evidence of my sadness
Torn as to get up at this late hour
and get the thoughts of you onto paper
or rest for the long drive I have tomorrow
Torn sound bites of our intimate whispers
Torn are the words you had spoken to me so long ago
Torn up, divided and conquered territories of the mind,
which keeps me up at night pondering with pounding heart
Torn torn torn…is how I summarize
What could have been?
What should have been?
Are you happier now?
Do you think of me ever?
If I send a whisper of how strong I still feel for you
will it reach you on the wind?
Will you hear my pleas in an elk’s bugle,
a crackling leaf underfoot,
or in the beating of your heart?
Do you see the same blissfullness of us in your dreams?
Can you rationalize leaving me this TORN?
If I whisper “I love you” from a mountaintop
will it find you on your far away summit?

Heather L. on March 2, 2008