• No greater love

    by  • January 23, 2011 • Family Stuff, Fear, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Dear Grace.

    That day i was smoking a cigarette with drew after school, i’m sorry for what happened to you. I come home trying to cover up the smell of my sinful underage smoking like it really matters in the grand scheme of anything, call mom’s name and hear a broken voice like i’ve maybe only heard once before like the day grandpa died. But i go upstairs and see my mom, my fucking mom broken apart into a billion pieces over what nightmare that has just unfolded. someone came into your classroom that day and shot at you. five people i don’t even know, never got the honor to meet, were killed for no reason, no one knows why. the rage that fills my mind is unbelievable. the sister i fought with countless times over the stupidest shit ever had multiple guns pointed at her. someone shot away. that’s the after thought process that occurred though. after mom said there was a shooting in your classroom i had to go in my room for a minute. i just wept in my closet like a little bitch. it was the first time in my life i ever felt had to be a man. for my mom, the woman i disrespect constantly, i pulled it together for her not even knowing how terrible it really was. and i pick up every curiosity phone call that comes for the next multiple hours and lay down the news in a way that doesn’t worry people. i lied to grandma, ha yeah gma grace is fine. she couldn’t handle it. you are the strongest person i have ever met in my life. never ever have i been prouder or could even think or any shit that has amazed me more than what happened to you and how you prevailed in such a mind blowing way. i love you. i would do anything, anything in that is possible as a human fucking being to trade places with you so that never had to happen to you. i wrote this forever ago you deserve to hear it. i love you. i love you. i’m so so sorry. i’m so proud of you. continue to conquer.

    love you, love trev

    ps. my only goal in life is to make my family proud.

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