Dear, My chuzzle deluxe, My Ex, My Love, My world,?

I guess the best word to describe it all is “ My Everything.” I have laid awake many sleepless nights trying to figure out just how disastrous our relationship has become. We have failed as a couple. We let us fall apart. Instead of making a compromise, we stuck with “this is what I want” I mean some things can’t be worked out, But I don’t think we put a good enough fight up. Well at least you didn’t. I put every ounce in me on the line. I risked it all. Not once, not twice but five times. I’m writing this because I just have so much to say to you but, unfortunately we don’t speak anymore. I wish it didn’t have to be that way but, as long as I am “trying,” to get over you it can’t be. Although, this doesn’t quite help that process, at least I can somewhat get out what I’ve been yearning to say.

Now, I’m guessing you think I fell in love with you for all the notes you made me and drawings and such. You’re terribly mistaken. I can tell you why I fell in love with you so easily and so fast at that. Well to start of with the little things increasing to big; You made me laugh like no other guy has. Even if it was your perverted jokes that you oh, so loved. Not for one second did you not feel comfortable around me. As if we knew each other for so long. You trusted me. You were there for me. You met me when I was fat and shy; You didn’t judge me by my looks. I can go on and on with this but to you it will most likely become boring. The reason that topped it all off was of course, the fact that every time I saw you I got butterflies. I couldn’t control it. It was an initial reaction. I’ve never felt that before. Sure I may have laughed at you the first time I saw you but, it bit me in the ass. There was just something about you, I couldn’t help but to fall for you. I guess you can also count the similarities of our birthday, that made me feel like it was destined.

I hope we will run into each other and acquire that spark we once had. That spark that brought us together. The one that made me feel so lucky to you in my life. I wish you only felt the same as I do. Right about now, you’re with your new girl, Franchelly I. Volleyball and wrestling star. The girl I, as much as I hate to admit it, am jealous about. People mention to me “ oh you know Kris asked about you today,” you don’t know how happy that makes me inside. Just for the fact you haven’t completely forgotten me yet. There is still hope that you once loved me. I am so protective over you because I never wanted to lose you. But in the end, we lost each other. After you cheated, I was heartbroken. I couldn’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t break up with you. Except One. The simple fact of I had hope in you that you wouldn’t do it again. I was mistaken. I still didn’t give up on you. Not till the very end. After I almost got hit for you to drink your alcohol. Never again will I take the risk. That is one risk I can’t afford to take. My friends ask me why are you with him blah blah. There is nothing else for me to honestly say except I love him. I’ll admit that to anyone I don’t care. But you, you can’t live with your friends looking at you the wrong way. Even though they wouldn’t. They should support your decision if it makes you happy. Not that I’m saying I make you happy anymore, just hypothetically speaking.

Oh boy, how I wish I could kiss you right now, hold you and cuddle with you so much. I just can’t picture me without you. You have become a part of me like a Siamese twin. Everywhere I was you were always right there besides me. Unless of course you couldn’t. I just wish I could trust you. Things would be so much easier. But you have showed me that it wouldn’t take much for you to move on. Therefore forcing me to believe it also wouldn’t take much for you to cheat again. Oh how I wish we could both be happy like we used to be. I didn’t have a worry in my head of you cheating. I thought you were the one, The one I’d spend my life with. It hurts having your stuff here. It’s kinda nerve racking. So I’m looking through our stuff. Because I miss you so much, but maybe this was for the best. I will love you. Always. Even when I’m married I wouldn’t forget you. Our love is forever undesputing, becoming stronger as they age and in all eventually solidifying into solid affection. Remember that? That is one of my favorite quotes from you. There was also one more, I can’t quite remember it, it was on one of the notes that got lost from when we traded back our things. It went something like Our love will never faulter does not waver I remember it very vaguely. I remember the first time you wrote me a note. I cried. It was so perfect. We were perfect. I also remember sitting in my room one night one a week day, I was on my bed and you were on my chair and you said to me “April, I love you so much., don’t ever leave me. You’re my everything” I remember when we had a huge fight and you showed up with flowers. I also remember when you were about to break up with me for being shy then you came to the park because that’s where I go when I’m upset and you carved our initials Into the wood posts and told me how sorry you are. And how lucky you were to have me. I haven’t forgotten April, 4, 2009 The day you gave me that speech. That breathtaking speech on how much you loved me. Also, how worried you were about my reaction. That was the good old days when you cared when I was upset or angry at you; the days were you tried to do anything to fix it. The Kris I fell for. I will never forget those little things. No matter how hard I try, I can’t hate you. Once you’ve loved something as much as I loved you it’s just not possible to go to the opposite side. It hurts me too that the last we will ever be together, you weren’t happy. I wish we broke up over something mutual like we both just moved on. But I don’t want this. I want to be with you, but it’s just not possible with your personality. I wish I meant all the mean things I say to you. I wish I stuck to my words on never taking anyone back after they cheated. Who was I kidding; you were my everything at the time. I was your everything at one time also.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. I should really live by that quote. At least I got to experience love. It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I guess my letter is coming to a closing. All in all I love you KRZYSZTOF SEBASTIAN B. Always will. Good luck honestly, finding a girl who can make you happy. I’ll need all the luck I can get. :/ I don’t have anything else for me to say. I hope we can both be happy one day.

With love forever & always,
April S.