You weren’t there when I needed a friend, when I had none.
You weren’t there when my grandpa died.
You weren’t there when my mom got arresred.
You weren’t there to see my triple home run.
You weren’t there to see me shine.

You weren’t there when my dad lost his job.
You weren’t there when I started college.
You weren’t there when I truly found God.
You weren’t there. You never were.

The times that you WERE there… were in my mind.
You were there to break my heart over and over again.
You were there every night before I went to sleep.
You were there for at least 3 minutes of every day.
You were there to taunt me in my dreams.
You were there to see me let you back in my life.
You were there to see me kick you out again.
You were there when I’d cry.

I didn’t know that to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. J, I have never cared more about a boy in my entire life. How selfish of you to give love and then take it all away, only leaving scars and the taunting. I hate you for doing that to me.

I miss our, I thought, unbreakable connection. I miss our friendship, I miss my best friend. I miss you caring about me. I miss your unselfish acts. I miss the natural chemistry. I miss the dying urge to have to talk to one another every minute of the day. I miss the crazy things we’d do to go out of our way to see each other. I miss who you used to be. I miss my best friend. I miss the boy I fell in love with at 15.

I’m 18 now… and I still miss it. I will always miss it. You will always be my first love. You will always be the first to break my heart.

I hate that I can’t stop missing you.
I hate that who I miss doesn’t exist anymore.

Please come back.
I don’t want the new you.
And i’ve made sure you know that.

Love,
the chance you’ll never get.