you want to know how this anxiety really feels?
imagine if you had friends, but they were all strangers. they expect things from you, like “hello” and hugs and conversation. they seem friendly but you know you can’t trust anyone. what if they hate you? what if they want to hurt you? what if they want to kill you? somebody i know from school (an old friend) walked down the street by my house, and i couldn’t even think straight. he saw me. i waved but i couldn’t look at him. i walked down the street because what if he came down to watch me, judge me, hate me? what if he has a knife in his pocket? i couldn’t stop trembling and calmly kept walking until i was out of his view and cars drove by with their big headlights. a little voice told me don’t you dare look into their eyes. they will run you over in a second. i stared at my feet.
and that’s how i feel, thanks to concepts i can’t comprehend. you did this, sick bastard.