I know we both were cast into these roles that we have assumed in relation to each other. By default or by destiny, we are for lack of a better word “joined” by the circumstances and powers at work around us. We started out playing quite different parts in this matrix of possibilities that is life.
Let me start by saying that if I could change the past and bring “him” back I would, I know you would as well. I would have never thought of you this way if he were still here. I never had any kind of feelings or attraction to you….in any way. You were his girl….plain and simple. We know what happened. Everyone seen it coming, but were unable to stop that train. Out of that tragedy, I formed a friendship with you, or should I say we formed a friendship together. One of compassion on my part, and maybe just pure and utter loss and despair on yours.
Either way….what started as friends eventually became more, an action taken by yourself. I willingly complied, awkward as it was, it still felt right somehow. Now it’s been a couple of months. And I absolutely love and adore you. You express the same feelings to me. Too good to be true??? Most things usually are. I know we are both damaged goods in the heart department, and I know your soul hurts as well, and all the bullshit from the outside world that surrounds our lives is hurting your mental resolve as well right now. I hurt for you…..more than you know. Although…I have to wonder if you weren’t in such pain if I would feel the same way about you, or at least at the same level I do. And I wonder if you aren’t asking yourself the same thing?
Now you are late…..wow….what a mindfuck that is…..for both of us. Already in love? Already Pregnant? If the outside world wasn’t already an unwelcome presence from afar, now to put that out there and be under a microscope?? And see what emotions pop up??? Shit…..Fuck them anyways right???? I feel so out of control right now. I like driving, not being a passenger.
What the hell did we get ourselves into?