My therapist, who I see because I can’t deal with the way you’ve treated me, suggested that I write a letter, and not give it to you, just write it, so that I can get out all of my anger, and my hurt, and all my other shit, so I can try and move on.
You were supposed to be my friends. And yet, you have treated me with such utter contempt, such a complete lack of respect that you are strangers to me. You have treated me as less than dirt, and the worst part is, you’re now trying to turn this around and blame it on me. Saying that I’M making things awkward for everyone, when it was you who told everyone what you were doing behind my back, the three of you, even my flatmates knew, and felt awkward, because they knew and I didn’t. And you accuse me of making it awkward now I can’t bear, and I don’t want, to have you in my life.
Don’t think, for one second that I’m not onto you. You talk about me being the one having issues, and being weak, with him, and saying that he has no respect for me. Well, recently, no-one has treated me with less respect than you, you conniving, self absorbed, cruel bitch. All your bullshit about me and him, when your real issues lie with the fact that you’re not over your ex, can’t cope with someone else being happy, someone else having the chance you want. But what you can’t cope with even more than that, is the fact that you were telling me what to do, and when to do it, and who to do it with, and I wasn’t doing as you said. Because doing what you wanted hasn’t worked for me, doing it my way has. So instead of accepting that it’s my life, and I can do with it what I choose, you decided to try and ruin things for me. And don’t try and say that I gave up, I made the effort, I came to see you, you were cold as ice, and had obviously made your mind up, because you just can’t deal with the fact that I might be making progress, and it’s progress you don’t want me to make. You want me to be as angry and bitter as you forever, so that you can keep and control me, and that makes it okay for you to be angry and twisted and bitter. You are pathetic. And you disgust me. And I am better off without you. You dare call me pathetic, when I am the one who has behaved with dignity, basically, what you mean, is I won’t allow you to treat me exactly as you want. “Love how you can forgive him but not me”. Right, about that statement, which you have now said twice. 1. He does not have anything to do with this. He did not make you stab me in the back. 2. My situation with him is entirely separate to this, and not that it is any of your business, but it took us a long time to get to the stage where I could forgive. But that is my business. 3.Stop trying to turn this around to me. 4. It’s none of your fucking business what I do anyway.
And you, with your “I don’t care about myself, I only care about other people” BULLSHIT. For a start people who are like that, don’t keep fucking going on about it. For another, you’re self serving, selfish and self absorbed. I don’t have to talk to anyone about my problems if I don’t want to, and you had NO RIGHT to make me feel pressured, and like a bad person because I wanted to deal with my things my way. You showcased the precise reason why I didn’t want to talk to you about things.You made everything about you, even when the three of you had hurt me and upset me, you made it out like you were the victim. And you got your boyfriend to make me feel like nothing. Your boyfriend who used to be one of my best friends, but he has changed so much for you, he’s turned into little more than your lapdog. You can tell him, if you ever read this, that he might have proved himself to be a good boyfriend, but he’s a lousy friend. But that’s what you did to him. And when he goes for his year in America, getting away from you will be the best thing that ever happened to him. And then you will know, what it is like to be really down, and not want to discuss your problems with everyone, because some things are just private, and sometimes, there isn’t anyone around that would understand. I’d understand actually, but I won’t be there for you, and I hope your heart does break when he leaves because then you will know what it feels like, but you will also realise what you did to me, literally kicking me when I was down. You’re a manipulative, lazy, pathetic bitch.
And you, I don’t really have much to say to you, apart from you disgust me. And you are going to get so frustrated with the other two, because I’m the one that has common sense, some intelligence, and real wit. But with those two all you will get is bullshit. You chose this, enjoy.
Oh…btw…you two…this will come back to haunt you. Not me, my part in this is over, but her screwed up issues will rear their heads again, and she will turn on one of you. And then you will realise what you did to me, and how it wasn’t my fault, and how actually she just decided that I was having someone in my life that she didn’t want there, so she was going to freeze me out. Enjoy that hurricane when it comes. And it will. Enjoy the guilt too, about me, when that comes. I hope it keeps you awake at night.
So…I think that’s me done. I’m hoping it helps. I will get these knives out of my back and I will heal the wounds that you caused. But you proved beautifully, that I shouldn’t have ever trusted you, you have shown why I couldn’t talk to you about things. You are not friends, you are not even good people. Now, go play in the playground until something happens to you and forces you to grow up and realise you can’t treat people like dirt.