Why is it so hard for us to say how we feel? We put up these walls and guard ourselves, never telling anyone what we really want to say.
We try to get some sort of relief by writing on websites just like this one because we know that no body can really hear us, the people who need to know what we are saying, the people who actually need to hear what we have to tell them will never, ever know.
Why is it so hard? If we’re that afraid that if we open our mouths and speak our mind to that certain person it will ruin everything than clearly that person is not worth it. It doesn’t matter who it is, if they can’t love you because of something you said, because you were expressing your feelings than why bother?
Why was the time?
I am a hypocrite, because I write on this website at least once a day. I write everything that I want to tell him on here because I am too afraid to tell him face to face.
I was actually about to write another letter to him but then it hit me. I have all these emotions building up inside of me and although it may grant me a moment of relief to let it all out somewhere, it is never truly satisfying. I still finish my writing here with a hole in my stomach because yet another day has gone by and I haven’t told him the things he needs to hear.
Why can’t I do it? Is it really that hard? I’m not even sure what I am so afraid of. Tomorrow isn’t a gurantee to any one and I just keep letting the days pass me by like I know that tomorrow will keep coming. But I don’t, no one knows that. He may not be here tomorrow, I may not be here tomorrow and we only get one shot at this life. If it’s what you want it’s worth the risk, right?
So, I am done, hiding and pretending like I have nothing to say to him because I do.
I am going to tell him that I love him more than I can describe in words.
I am going to tell him that he makes me happiest girl in the world.
I am going to tell him that his voice is my favorite sound.
I am going to tell him that I think about him every second of every day.
I am going to tell him that he has to choose me, pick me, love me…because I am no longer going to wait around for something that may never be real.
I am going to tell him I know he loves me too.
I am going to tell him that I’m scared.
I am going to tell him, someday.
Someday, I am going to tell him.