Archive for November 30th, 2010

You gave up.

I can’t believe you! You gave up on me. When I first saw you, I thought you were so cute. And when we started talking, I thought you were even cuter. Then you told me that you thought I was beautiful and cool and you wanted what we had to last. That scared me. I was afraid of that. I have a fear of commitment, I admit. It’s strange. When I think fear of commitment, I picture a guy. Not a girl. Not me. I told you that I didn’t want to date right now. I still liked you, but I just didn’t want to date anyone. It had nothing to do with you. You said and did all the perfect things. You were no less than amazing to me. I am the one that’s messed up in the head. But when I feel that I am finally ready to date, only a couple of weeks after I told you no, you started acting like a total jerk. I text you and you don’t text back, or when you do, your words are cruel. You gave up. Why?

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2 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Disappointment, Fear, Grief, Lost Love

 

Like We Used To

To the old group,

I miss the way we used to hang out every night. I miss having small parties and watching ya’ll act silly when you were drunk. I miss playing volleyball. I miss our group. What happened to us? Just because Tyler started being a jerk and noone wanted to hang out with him doesn’t mean WE don’t get to hang out. So what if the place we used to go to have fun is inhabited by a complete and total idiot who doesn’t appreciate the people who care for him? The group doesn’t revolve around him.

I rarely see any of our old group now. Every now and then I pass one of you in the halls going to class, we talk and laugh like we used to until one of us has to go. Then I can never know when I’ll see you again. I haven’t seen Skeeter in over a month. Kyle, the one with the football ring, I haven’t seen him in nearly three months. What happened to us? We had so much fun together. We always had fun, every night. Now, if we try and hang out, something always happens that stops it.

I miss the way things used to be. They say that high school friends are temporary, and college friends are forever. Well, we’re all in college, and we never see each other. Is this really it? Is it going to change? I don’t know. I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse.

The quiet one of the group.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You

 

Nothing like the truth

There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for you with the exotic name and the body from fantasies

There was nothing like the way you made me feel when you spoke in that delicious accent and little by little, gently forced open the door to my heart…

There was nothing like the way my heart would skip a beat each time I saw you and heard you speak my name….

There was nothing quite like the way my eyes lit up when you you whispered your sweet nothings and turned me into a teenager again…..

There was nothing like the way I smiled from toe to tooth when you said the words ” I love you”

but the words ” I love you” were nothing like the truth …

…because there was nothing like the way you made me feel when you told me you’d slept with your ex while I was away but followed it with ” …but it’s none of your business” and started crying…

wow, there was nothing…..and you are indeed the whore they all warned me you were. Apparently you don’t understand why they do? They’re just jealous you say?

Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder, click on IMAGES. There should be loads of you

G

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Betrayal, Cheating, Grief, Lost Love

 

Book on a shelf

I spoil you, relentlessly. Everyday. What you ask is what I do, and I strive to keep you happy, because I love you, and I have scince the day I met you. But what do I get in return? You being grumpy all the time, and over protective, and you don’t trust me at all. I don’t think you understand how I feel about you. How I KNOW for a FACT that you are the only one I want to share my life with, to marry. I guess I just don’t understand how you work. I know you love me, you tell me all the time. But you treat me like a book on a shelf. I just want you to be as in love with me as I am with you.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Frustration, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

I want to hate you…but I can’t.

I stopped writing for a while, mostly because, well, I wanted to block out how I had been feeling, because I thought maybe then things would be easier. But that’s not me, I’m not one to push aside my feelings and pretend they don’t exist. So I’m writing this to you because I knew I probably wasn’t going to get a chance to say any of this to your face, even though I wish I could. I realized that you’re just running away from facing me. There are so many things I want to say. And, well, I’m going to keep writing till I get all of these things off my chest.

Do you even know why I ran down and started swinging at your face that day? Your ex-girlfriend tells one of my best friends that, “Sam never loved Becca, he never cared about her at all.” And as soon as she knew I heard, she tried coming over and talking to me about it like the fake bitch she is. Then to see her run down and confide in you…how is that not supposed to upset me? How as I supposed to take that in? Especially after drinking? So that’s when I lost it. All of the anger and hurt that had just been building up in side of me for the past few weeks just came bursting out of me. But for you to hit me back…I was in shock. I didn’t want to believe it happened, my first reaction was, “I’m drunk, I’m overreacting.” I didn’t want to make false accusations of you for something like that. But then when everyone came running down, because they saw what happened, I knew I hadn’t imagined it. And I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuse that you didn’t hit me because there are witnesses, people I’m not even close with who saw it go down. But this is all so irrelevant, because you’re going to stick to what you believe is true, and so am I. (more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Anger, Breaking Up, Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Feeling Strange today

Most people that know me wouldn’t think that is a weird thing but my head is spinning today. It’s just swirling and swirling around and I’m very dizzy. It could be stress, anxiety and discontentment on the home front.

Need some time to catch up with things that need to be done with no interruptions and some spurt of energy I don’t seem to have today.

Maybe a nice happy incentive would be motivating to me like being treated nicely by someone when I do make an effort or just having a soft place to land where I’m not judged or criticized.

I just want love and peace. Is that so hard to get?

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2 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Confusion, Frustration, Help, Yearning

 

Dear Husband…what do you want from me?

Sometimes I wonder what you expect of me.

I guess I should have this conversation with you soon.

You complain about this and that not being done when it’s not all my fault.

I deal with the most important things and whatever is left over is left over.

Sorry that there is nobody else that would ever help me with what’s left over but…there’s obviously not.

So…I am supposed to be working but am tending to sick child while in between cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors working around everyone elses things hanging around.

I’m sorry if you really can’t find matching socks all of the time. I do my best. Of course you could try to match your own socks while you’re sitting there doing nothing all night or on the weekends! Is everything really my responsibility? (more…)

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6 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Frustration, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage

 

THANKS!!!!!

Thanks for fucking with my head. Thanks for letting me think you gave a damn. Thanks for letting me fall so hard and so fast. Thanks for not seeing past my mistakes. Thanks for only seeing my flaws and imperfections. Thanks a whole fucking lot. I seriously couldn’t thank you enough. I really liked you and thought you were different, but obviously I was wrong. Obviously all you want is someone who is perfect. Or at least close. I don’t hate you and I’m not mad at you. I’m just very frustrated, because I feel like I accepted you and you rejected me. But the truth is I can’t let you go, cause I still fucking care!!!

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Frustration, Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Attempting to get something done today

I am trying to get something accomplished today but I am just torn between work, children, crazy dog and a swirling head.

Thought I would just write to try to clear my brain.

I could have slept all day. Do you know the feeling?

You set out to get things accomplished but the day flies by and you haven’t done much except for take care of animals and people. I guess that is something but I really need to clear my brain so I can do some work.

Clearing my brain right now. MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Frustration, Letting Go

 

Sometimes I dream of this conversation

But I know it will never happen.

I just want to tell you that I’ve lost all respect for you. I can’t believe I poured 5 years of my life into a relationship with you, only to be betrayed in the end.

If you didn’t want to be with me, you could’ve at least had the decency to break up with me instead of cheating on me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I was so deluded into thinking you were the right person for me that I couldn’t see the way I’d completely lost myself trying to fit into the mold of the girl you wanted.

So in a way, thanks. Thanks for being an asshole. Thanks for breaking my heart, and thanks for kicking me back into reality and forcing me to realize that I’m a million times better off without you.

I hope someday we run into each other and you see how much happier I am without you. I have a life and a beautiful future with someone who actually loves me, and we are going to do great things together. So have fun living at home with your parents forever and hanging out with your high school friends. I have better things to do with my life.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Cheating, Grief, Letting Go, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Regret

 


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