the cute dresses i wore.
the sweet things i said.
the homework you copied.
the way you smiled.
the overall “omg, yay!” feeling.
…
all of that mattered, a lot. i look back on it positively. i felt so giggly, and lovey-dovey. you meant a lot. of course, i was lovedrunk and foolish, but i was enjoying myself. so i’m not sorry and i don’t regret very much.

after a while, though, i felt ugly. i felt bad when you didn’t talk to me. i had to laugh hard and look like i was always having fun being cute and girly and preppy. everything i did pretty much revolved around you. i was obsessed, what can i say? i realized afterward that i’m really good for you. (not to be arrogant.) and you don’t see that because you keep chasing your ex. and one of my friends. (i can’t blame you, she’s really nice and pretty… but that’s not the point.) the point is, you took me for granted!

today, i said two things to you. “hi” (you said hi first) and “thank you.” (polite, huh?) i feel proud because i didn’t let you break me down. i only looked at you one time, and you looked really sad. it seemed like i was mad at you, huh? i’m not. i’m not mad at you at all. you deserve someone who will treat you well, even if it’s not me. i’m only avoiding/ignoring you because i don’t want to fall for you again. i want to keep this proud feeling up for a while, but later we can be friends again. i swear. well, i hope.

goodbye, E.A.