• To My Crappy Roommates…

    by  • November 27, 2010 • Betrayal, Disappointment, Friends, Frustration, Grief, Loneliness, Lost Love, Trust • 0 Comments

    Dear Shitful Roommates,

    I want to start off by saying that I’m appalled by your behaviors over the past month. Specifically those of you who used to be my best friends.

    From my point of view, I’ve spent countless evenings washing all of your dishes. I’ve carted all of your asses all around the state and even sometimes beyond, and never asked for or taken a dime in gas money. I’ve interrupted my life to drive you to and pick you up from work or class or wherever, so you wouldn’t have to wait for the bus. I’ve been an ear whenever you’ve needed, and I’ve always been loyal to all of you. I will admit, I’ve been bitchy at times. Yes, I get angry when you accuse me of not doing my part around the house. Especially after I’ve broken down and cleaned up the kitchen after you’ve cooked. This includes cleaning up ground beef off the counters that sat there for days; caked-on grime stuck to our BRAND NEW stovetop; soggy, watery food that’s been sitting in the sink since the last time you ate.

    What have I gotten in return? You’ve all banded together and shunned me completely. In an apartment of 5 girls, I walk around like a ghost. Honestly, I’ve stopped eating meals because I feel hugely uncomfortable leaving my room. Because you’ve all shunned me. For voicing my displeasure to all of you for being slobby lazy pigs.

    When I walked into the kitchen, when all of you and everyone we knew was eating a Thanksgiving meal, the meal I got non-invited to, all conversation ceased. Mid sentence, my mere presence silenced each and every one of you, and you all stared back and forth at each other like shocked little kids.

    I want all of you to know that you are terrible friends. Clearly, you don’t know what it means to be a friend, and our relationships will never be the same.

    To one of you in particular- Sarah. I didn’t know you really well until this year. I have to say, you are a selfish spoiled brat. Everyone we know thinks you’re a total bitch. I never trusted you. From the very beginning, when you insulted me repeatedly and then had a cryfest when I finally told you to knock it off, and then you sic’ed all our roommates on me to fix it. You manipulate situations to make people feel bad for you. I don’t because I see through it. You’re also a fucking slut. I don’t care if your boyfriend is an ugly ginger piece of shit rat bastard, just dump him if you’re so upset about it. Don’t whine about it, then defend his ass, then get shit-fuck drunk and spend the whole night texting my brother telling him to come over and fuck you. And then you spend an entire semester leading on an emotionally unstable kid, my brother’s roommate, until he’s been completely emotionally torn down because of you. You’re so needy and desperate because you need a man around you all the time, and your boyfriend clearly sees in you what I see in you, and so you have to con other guys into spending time with you. You’re a pathetic needy wreck. You dress so fucking boring I want to kill myself when you get dressed in the morning. You’re a slut and a liar and a manipulative bitch. And there’s no way in hell you’re smart enough to go to med school. I’m sure you will anyway because a ton of dumb people still go to med school. But honestly, you’re just not that smart. I already know more about medicine than you do, and I’m not even a science major. I don’t wish anything bad for you, because you’re destined to continue on a white trash legacy in bumfuck new hampshire.

    As to the rest of you, shame on you for being so weakminded. Yea, I can be a little bitchy, but I’ve done tons of stuff for all of you, and you’ve all completely turned on me. Screw all of you. I am heartbroken because of how you’ve been. I thought you would all be my best friends for life. Clearly, I invested much more into you all than you’ve invested in me. Brooke, I never tried to steal your man, or whatever terrible thing you’ve been sitting around accusing me of. He’s told me repeatedly, and also told EVERYONE else, that he’s totally not interested in you. He’s just not. I’m sorry that he’s not, and it upsets me greatly, because I want you to be happy. I shouldn’t have said anything to you about it because I know you probably took it as me being cunty. Honestly, I know that was wrong, but in real life, I wanted you to know so you wouldn’t get your hopes up. Because I’d want you to tell me if you knew something. And I’m sorry you saw me outside talking to him, we were just smoking a cigarette and it meant nothing. I have no interest in him, and even if I did, I’d NEVER do that to you. Ever. Lauren, you know what, I never did anything to you. Yea, I accused you of stealing from me, but that’s only because you guys all came into my room and moved everything around and suddenly my cigarettes were missing. It took me over a week to find them, stuffed in my clean laundry, of all places. Obviously I didn’t put them there. And I’m sorry I accused you falsely. I really feel terrible about that. And if you ever talked to me or even looked at me, I’d tell you that. But as it is, you ignore me like I’m not even there. People in our classes have been commenting to me about your clear lack of contact with me. We sit next to each other in fucking class for gds sake. And you pretend I don’t exist. Honestly, you upset me the most of all because I thought you were above all this petty girl nonsense. You always stay out of spats, and you never talk about people behind their backs. You’re so steadfast on that ideal. You also never cut people out of your life, remember that whole ordeal with Amelia? You made it clear to me that even though you agreed that she had no positive influence on your life and was clearly a crappy friend, you refused to dump her because you don’t ever want to wonder what would have been. Well clearly that wasn’t such a difficult decision when it came to me. That really cuts deep. I’ll never be able to trust you again. I’ll never trust any of you again. Honestly, I am afraid to be friendly with any of you. I’m afraid to get hurt again. I sincerely doubt that I’ll ever be friends with you, Sarah. I don’t even want to. Because I’m honest, and I won’t ever be able to effectively fake thinking that you have anything of value to bring to the table, or that you are a good person, or even that you have enough of a personality to make up for your total lack of character. The rest of you, I think you’re great people. I love your personalities. You all make me die laughing and I genuinely have a blast with you. I miss you. I miss you a ton. I will probably always miss you. I bend over backwards to do shit for you because I want to make you happy. Because that’s how I feel about my friends. And you’ve all got great character. You’re all solid, whole people, and you’re all pretty amazing in various ways. I have always been so proud of my choice of friends. And then all this happened. I still think you’re all great people and whatnot, but it’s just too late to ever be able to trust you again. I’m sorry. You’ve all made my life miserable for a month, with little to no emotions about it on your parts. Do all of you even miss me? It doesn’t matter. Eventually I hope you’ll all get over this nonsense bullshit and grow up. At least then I’ll be able to go into the kitchen again. I guess until then, keep on enjoying my TV and Playstation and Microwave and paper towels and napkins and everything else in that fucking apartment that is mine that I can’t enjoy because I’m stuck alone in my room or at home. Have fun with all my crap, cuz clearly I’m not.

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