• So scared of change….

    by  • November 25, 2010 • Fear, Frustration, Grief, Knock it Off, Letting Go, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple • 1 Comment

    72,

    I have been with you for 7 years now. 7 years that have just flown by. We’ve had our ups and definitely our downs, but we’ve always managed to come through. I lost my heart, soul, and virginity to you at the age of 21. I’ve never slept with anyone else. Not even when we broke up for a year, but you did. And I still can’t forgive you for that. You never even said you were sorry. I’ve tried asking God to help me forgive you, but it hasn’t happened even though I told you I did just so I could try and move on. But every time I think about her, I want to scream.

    I love you, but you’re so mean. You’re hateful, selfish, and the least sensitive person I have ever met in my life. You think that we still live in the 1800’s where women were supposed to do everything. WAKE UP! It’s 2010 and I AM NOT GOING TO BE THAT KIND OF GIRL!!! I would’ve thought you’d have figured that out by now. I know we’ve fought about it over and over. It’s old news, but no we fought yet again over it this morning. I don’t know how to make you understand that I will do the housewifey shit if you’d help me. I’ve asked you for help for the last two weeks and you still have something else to do, but get mad at me because I haven’t folded YOUR laundry.

    You call me names, knowing that it hurts me. Words hurt me. BAD. And you knowingly still call me anything you can think of. Bum, Bitch, Cunt, or anything else that comes out because you’re upset with me. I NEVER call you names out of anger.

    I’ve loved you for 7 years, but I’m almost to the end of my line. I’m about ready to blow. I keep it all locked inside, because I’m too scared of change to lose you. I know how it felt to lose you once. Can I really go through that again? You tell me you love me and can see yourself with me the rest of your life. If true, then how is it possible to make me feel like lower than low and you still love me? Is that love? If so, I don’t think I want this.

    And the worst part: There’s someone else out there that loves me. I know he does. I know he’d treat me like I’m supposed to be treated. I know I’d wake up and know that this was my life and love every single moment of it. But I’m scared. And I’m scared of losing you.

    With Love,
    53

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    One Response to So scared of change….

    1. Beverley
      November 26, 2010 at 8:41 am

      Why are we so scared of change? I have recently had change forced upon me… something that was significant for me … and the change has brought me so many opportunities. Why was I so scared? So reluctant?




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