• A bit Frustrated

    by  • November 23, 2010 • Eff Off - You - or Up, Family Stuff, Frustration, Grief, Yearning • 2 Comments

    I’m just going to start typing and see what comes out.
    That’s why I love this site!

    Is it so wrong for me to want to be alone? Sometimes people just need to be all alone with themselves! It’s not that they don’t love the people around them it’s just that they need to find some peace within themselves and have a hard time doing that when everyone is hovering around them.

    I have to get up in the middle of the night just so that I can have my own thoughts without any interruptions. And even then as I’m trying to type my dog is wanting my attention and doesn’t want me to type this letter. She keeps on bonking my hand with her long nose so I can’t type! So now I’m typing with one hand and petting her with the other.

    Now…I can type with two hands! Thank You!
    My husband and son are in our bed upstairs. My husband was snoring his head off and my son was sucking his thumb and making all of these strange noises. Although I love them dearly…it was driving me nuts! I can’t even have silence at night! I think I need one of those isolation tanks to get some peace!

    Not that these are big problems. I’ve had big problems before and have overcome them. But…I do get frustrated so often with my lack of privacy, space etc. etc.

    I know when you’re married and have children you really don’t have your “own” life anymore but…maybe you do NEED to have one! I mean nothing is my OWN anymore. Not even space enough to have my own thoughts in my own head without someone wanting me or erasing my thoughts with the sound of their voice.

    Soon…a little very adorable boy will realize that my scent is missing and will come and seek me. That is really loving and amazing in one way but also very annoying in another way! I NEED SOME SPACE!!!

    I would like to know that if I have insomnia that I can have it ALONE! That it would be my own! But NO…there is nowhere in this house where I can be fully alone in any way!

    And on top of that EVERYTHING seems to bother me recently and I need to be alone so that I can just work out my own feelings with nobody else’s feelings usurping my own.

    I don’t want everything to bother me and I don’t want to bother anyone else. That is why I need to separate myself from everyone and just BREATHE! Please just grant me that right and don’t follow me around the house right behind my ass and please don’t grab it when I don’t want it to be grabbed either!!!

    Yey! I am happy that I’ve had a good 30 minutes alone in the middle of the night to type. It’s awesome! See…that’s all it takes to make me happy! A little time to breathe. That’s all! Thank you:)

    Ahhhhhhh…it feels so nice.

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you my family for staying asleep during my insomnia.

    Thank you lettersillneversend for letting me vent my frustrations in cyberspace for although my husband says he wants to hear my thoughts…he really doesn’t.
    In fact even though I made him dinner while I had shooting pains in my abdomen…he had the balls to complain that it wasn’t exactly how he liked it. Well you know what! FU! I pushed through extra hard to make you dinner when I could have laid down with my pain and then you have to be an inconsiderate jerk about it.
    Next time I just wont make you dinner anymore! LOVE YA!

    Alright. I feel better. No…really I do. Thank you for letting me vent without rolling your eyes or dismissing my thoughts with an “uh humm,” “yup,” “That’s a nice story” Maybe I should have married this website instead! You are a better listener and much more understanding of who I am:)

    2 Responses to A bit Frustrated

    1. RH
      September 21, 2011 at 7:16 pm

      And still feeling this way:(

    2. ANEWDAY
      September 21, 2011 at 8:33 pm

      Had those days too. Hang in there! You are a beautiful person and doing amazing things, even if everyone doesn’t always appreciate it. Thanks for all you do!

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