Before I promptly sprint out of your life I just wanted to take a second and reflect on the time we spent together and share some observations I gathered.
You are a self appointed elitist with an uncanny ability to belittle those around you in order to fuel your own bloated ego. The other night, before we thought I was going to share a bed with you, when you clarified that “We were not hooking-up…not to be blunt or anything.” you single-handedly revealed your inability for true human understanding. I am NOT stupid despite what your unjustifiably large ego tells you. When you said, WEEKS AGO, that we were done hooking-up I was under the impression that, that meant we were done hooking-up. Unlike other people that you may believe I am like I do not need these facts to be spelt out for me EVERYTIME I go to bed. In fact if I am being completely honest the thought never really crossed my mind until you mentioned it. For some unknown reason I had considered you a friend. Usually when I drink and need a place to crash I ask my friends, my usual go to people were not able to accommodate me on Saturday thus why I turned to you. You took the ability to make the situation awkward and continued to shove it in my face. Bravo!
When we first started hooking-up I felt as if I had acquired a friend that genuinely cared about me and whose life I was maybe positively influencing. Clearly this was not the case. I let you into a section of my life that inadvertently caused me to become vulnerable because I trusted you. I believed that after all the “hooking-up” ended there was still understanding and friendship that could overcome the awkwardness of the end of the physical relationship we had, had. You pretty much just spit that back in my face. Not once did you ever show any concern for how I felt, what I wanted or even how I was doing. I was so enveloped in how you were about the situation that I did not realise that I was not being looked after.
If you had taken the time to know me you would have known that my friends and family are what I live for. I hate you for making me unable to talk to these people in my life specifically my best friend. I was unable to talk to one of my closest friends because of you and I resent you for making me feel like it was necessary. I now understand why such wonderful people could never consider being with you. Every time I look at you and watch you in your egotistical ways I wonder how anyone would enjoy being with you.
I am a positive person and would like to leave off on a more upbeat note. I would like to thank-you. I would like to thank-you for showing me regret. I have never truly regretted any of my actions up until I got to know you. If all of this had never happened I believe that I would be a much better person. I hate to be associated with someone who makes others feel insecure about their self in order to make himself feel secure. You remind me of a time when I was naive and stupid and thoughtless. This is partly due to the fact that all of the people around me, regardless of if they knew you, told me NOT to get involved. I went against them because I felt that you were only a self absorbed jerk on the outside, I am not sure of this fact any more.
This letter was solely for the purpose of making a goodbye more painless. Letting my misconceptions, regarding you, lead me in our affiliation led me to believe that I could push to let you closer to me. I pushed myself in every aspect to try and build a friendship that based around comfort and understanding. I told myself the payoffs of pushing myself would be not being alone at the end (as in there would still be a friendship of sorts). The events of the past couple months, ended up disappointing me in the usual way. I have been left back at the beginning, alone again, left to collect the remnants of what I understood to be me. However, this time I had worked for a different ending and for a second I thought to myself that if I didn’t work to build a relationship it almost always ended with me alone and if I worked to build a relationship it ended with me alone so maybe I was just never meant to have a close relationship with anyone. I felt hopelessness for a second. That was a second too long for me to be friends with you.