Archive for November 21st, 2010

WTF.

Okay, so you pointed out that, based on my history, I’m always attracted to troublemakers and rule breakers. three of my past endeavors have been arrested, including you. so how could you let me fall into like with you this much? you know you are trouble.

Anddd last night, before we fell asleep, I was expressing concern about my phone and my car, both of which were currently not working (I dropped my phone in the toilet), and you pulled me close, for the first time ever, and just told me not to worry, that everything will be okay. And then I asked you what happens if I fall in love with you? and your answer was ineffective.

Part of me wants to cut things off, because I know this will not end well for me. Things can’t possibly change. And I am so stuck on you. I don’t know what I want and I feel like I’m punishing myself as a result.

We’ve never kissed or anything, we just have sleepovers and talk about things.

I don’t communicate with you and you don’t communicate with me. Everything is always discussed as if we are standing on thin ice and we need to whisper, because even talking too loud could break it.

Just fucking tell me, so I can see past you. Destroy the image I have of you and just let me go.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Fear, Frustration, Interested?, Letting Go, Yearning for You

 

The Morning After

Last night meant a lot to me. I don’t want you to think that it didn’t because I was drunk.

You were sober, and I don’t want you to feel like you were taking advantage.

You would stop kissing me and look down and say, “Why are you smiling so much?” I would giggle and say, “I don’t know.” Truthfully, there was no place that I would rather be than with you, squished in the backseat of my car with my arm falling asleep.

I wonder if you regret it. I wonder you’re ever going to tell your girlfriend. I wonder if you think I’m a slut because I threw myself at you. I wonder if you meant the things you whispered in my ear. I wonder if you thought I looked fat without my shirt on.

I wonder a lot of things.

What I’ll wonder most though: Do you actually like me?

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Interested?, Smitten, Yearning for You

 

My true love

Nobody is perfect, relationships cannot be perfect. We nitpick and argue and sometimes get fed up.

I don’t think ANY relationship can be healthy without that.

Whether it’s dating or family or friends, it cannot be sunshine and cupcakes all the time.

It’s amazing when it is though :)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Gratitude, Love - Pure and Simple, Positive Vibes

 

to ea from nk

i don’t want to think about you obsessively anymore.
or talk to myself.
or wish you’d walk by my house.
or not be able to eat.
or not be able to sleep.
or shake uncontrollably.
or keep wondering why i’m not good enough.

i am, you just don’t see it! of course, we can “stay friends.” you can think what you want, i truly don’t love you anymore.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Letting Go, Lost Love, Yearning

 

It’s crazy but I love the way you fuck me

Running from the cops with root beer stained jeans? I think so. Trips to the truck stop? Heck yes. Oh, and GET THAT COOKIE AWAY FROM ME PLEASE. Thanks.
I love you.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Love - Pure and Simple, Short -n- Sweet, Yearning for You

 

The End of a Friendship

Before I promptly sprint out of your life I just wanted to take a second and reflect on the time we spent together and share some observations I gathered.

You are a self appointed elitist with an uncanny ability to belittle those around you in order to fuel your own bloated ego. The other night, before we thought I was going to share a bed with you, when you clarified that “We were not hooking-up…not to be blunt or anything.” you single-handedly revealed your inability for true human understanding. I am NOT stupid despite what your unjustifiably large ego tells you. When you said, WEEKS AGO, that we were done hooking-up I was under the impression that, that meant we were done hooking-up. Unlike other people that you may believe I am like I do not need these facts to be spelt out for me EVERYTIME I go to bed. In fact if I am being completely honest the thought never really crossed my mind until you mentioned it. For some unknown reason I had considered you a friend. Usually when I drink and need a place to crash I ask my friends, my usual go to people were not able to accommodate me on Saturday thus why I turned to you. You took the ability to make the situation awkward and continued to shove it in my face. Bravo!

When we first started hooking-up I felt as if I had acquired a friend that genuinely cared about me and whose life I was maybe positively influencing. Clearly this was not the case. (more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Frustration, Goodbye, Letting Go, Lost Love

 

I almost forgot you

When I moved here I thought you were by far the hottest guy in our grade. I wanted to talk you so bad and you were the first boy who talked to me at this school. I still appreciate that. You didn’t care that i had bad hair and glasses and looked disgusting. And then one day you asked for my number and I was soo excited. Then you would text me and every time it would just light up my day :) . Then as the years have gone on that puppy crush feeling had faded. I don’t look anything like I used to and you look even better than I remember. I kind of forgot about you and you forgot about me. This year I became best friends with your new best friend. I was blinded by him and didn’t see you. But by the time I rediscovered you I found out that you were in love with my sister. And then the feeling came back. And I realized that every time in the past few years I have heard you liked someone else it hurt a little bit. You have shown me how good of a friend you are and what a deeply good person you really are and I wish you knew that. I think I might be in love with you and maybe always have been.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Dear God

God, I’ve made a huge mistake. A mistake that directly violates my moral code as well as yours. I can only forgive myself with your forgiveness being blessed. I realized that everyone makes mistakes and I have learned from this one.. immensely. But in order to move on I need your forgiveness, please give me it and give me the strength to pursue.

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3 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Forgiveness, God, Yearning

 

All Over

SK -

How I will miss you. You belong to her now, and as much as that saddens me, you deserve to be happy, and I promised to stand behind you.

Of course I am biased. I feel no woman can make you as happy as I can. There has never been a time in my life when I have had so many regrets as I do now. I might be taking an internship in New York this summer, did you know that? Of course you didn’t. I didn’t tell you. And I won’t.

I feel myself growing more and more jealous and that kills me a little inside. Perhaps paying you that visit was a bad idea…seeing how amazing you truly are did me in and I can’t ever be the same.

I am rapidly falling in love with you, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I am so close to deleting you from my contacts because I can’t handle seeing your smiling face everyday.

CS.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Friends, Frustration, Jealousy, Letting Go, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Can’t forget you!

You are so far away. I miss you so much.

I am wondering how you are doing. Fortunately I will see you soon.

You are wonderful. You are a great man. I admire you. I will always remember our good times and hope that many others are coming up. I hope that you were sincere when you told me that you were in love with me, and that you will forget your doubts regarding the age gap between us.

I miss you.

S.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You, Yearning for You

 


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