• Why does he get to be happy?

    by  • October 19, 2010 • Frustration, Grief, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, The Ex • 0 Comments

    I found out last week that he is engaged. Why the hell does he get to be happy first? I am not with anyone yet, mostly because it has taken me so long to feel like myself after our relationship. I feel like I lost a lot of who I was to being the other half of US. And I think I went through hell to be a part of that us. Not from within, but because of the crap that was thrust upon us by the other girl that accused him. And that was a LOT of crap to go through. Kinda broke my heart a lot.

    I just don’t understand.

    And I am not sure I’ll ever get over the fact that he got over me. Esp. since he told my closest friend that he was never in love with me in the first place, he always loved her, but she was dating someone else. And we dated for 3 years. Never loved me…. And I was head over heels in love with him, wanted to spend the rest of my life making him happy, and forget about what happened when we first got together.

    And I feel like it took me a long time to get back to where I knew myself, and knew how to be happy alone. And now…. I am still not sure that I really do feel like I am happy. Esp. now that I know that he is happy.

    Or, really, is he happy? Is this just the first woman that would be with him? He also has f-ing BALLOONED in size. It’s about 4 times his original size. And I like the teddy Bear type. He was always asking me about my habits, and I am still at least NEAR the same size. Actually, I am the same size. I have re-distributed the weight, but I am still the same number on the scale and in jeans.

    I feel like a total bitch. But, you know what? I reserve that right.

    Especially when my name is

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