• investing in a protractor

    by  • October 12, 2010 • Betrayal, Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Waxing Poetic, Yearning for You • 1 Comment


    I’ve been walking around in a circle with you for about a year now. Veiled threats, games, insults-Used and recycled, dusted off for later use. Issues, dropped and ignored, as we waded through them around the circle. Kisses, compliments, laughter…shelved neatly and sprinkled onto the issues on the ground when appropriate. Resentment, swirling and bubbling beneath the surface of all these ingredients.

    I stopped talking to friends when you shot me with jealousy. I cleaned them out of the bullet wound. Loneliness is a terrible antiseptic, and the wound leaked Neediness faster than you could patch it up, so you tossed me a little Indifference. I retaliated with a handful of Anger to the head.


    The Distance you threw to the ground wasn’t worth it. I offered you kisses and you took them. I swept the Warnings that fell out of your pocket out of the middle of the circle. You swept them back when I wasn’t looking, and when I turned around, the circle stank of Paranoia and Mistrust. I febreezed it with Material Things. You febreezed it with Material Things. A Dilemma hurtled down from the sky and whipped everything around. When it was over, we at in the middle of the circle with our arms around each other.

    Around the circle we went.

    You tried to jump over the unused Disappointment littering the floor. The Disappointment splashed everywhere and I threw everything around in a fit of Temper. You walked out of the circle. I cleaned up everything with Hope and Tears, and tried to push out the Terror creeping into the circle until i had Heartbreak. When i looked up, much later, you were back with a box of Apologies and a bunch of Promises. I put the Promises in a vase of Stupid Mistakes, and shelved the Apologies in with the Issues. When you saw what I had done, you walked out of the circle again. I dug holes in the ground and planted a Grand Gesture. You returned it citing Pain and Numbness, but you absent-mindedly circled Other Interests on the return form.

    I walked back to the circle alone, with nobody to help me carry my packages of Regret and Confusion. When I came back, a stranger was dropping off the Lies that you ordered earlier. She gave me some Realization to sign. I’m standing outside the circle, remembering how we drew it with Love and perhaps, a little Foolishness to speed up the process. Then I snort. I’ve been walking around with you in a fucking spiral for about a year now. I pick up the jar of Laughter I was going to leave behind and head for your place, but Pain maps me in a completely different direction, and by the time I finally get my bearings, the Laughter’s gone sour.


    One Response to investing in a protractor

    1. michelle
      October 12, 2010 at 11:53 pm

      brilliantly written.

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