• dear you

    by  • October 10, 2010 • Betrayal, Grief, Heartbreak, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Waxing Poetic • 0 Comments

    dear you,

    “that means I believed, every single lie you said.” You end up believing all the lies that your family tells you, whether you want to or not. Our marriage is fine. Don’t tell me those lies anymore. I used to think that everything my parent said was true. Until I grew up too fast. You want apologies, Girl, you might hold your breath Until your breathing stops forever, forever..” You learn that apologies are not real until things change. And people do not change over night. I was waiting for things to happen that I knew would never happen. I don’t remember when I started listening to music like this. But I remember doing what I usually do when anger takes over: sitting looking at (…every pane of glass) in my window, staring, wondering why. “All the colors of the street signs”.. you can get so angry that all you see is color, then everything turns black. Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains I went through to avoid you. I’ve put in so much effort to avoid you. And you know who you are. I can’t count on you to control things anymore. I need to be stronger than this. You. Feelings. And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still hate you, even though I’m still that 7 yr old kid begging for attention. Begging to be needed. You could give me that, now could you? I remember the lyrics they told me what I already knew: “And I know I should be home” but even though you know those things, what if you can’t find where “home” is? “You want apologies” and i keep telling myself i don’t need them. That I’ve moved on. But have I? He’s standing there yelling. make.it.stop. With every breath I wish your body will be broken again, again, breath, why aren’t I breathing? Why is it so hard to breathe? Breath. With every breath I wish your body would be broken again, again, and I keep wishing for things to happen that I know never will. It never will. Why do I keep getting my hopes up? With every breath I wish your body will be broken again, again, sometimes I wish I would stop the breathing, just for a second, so they would know how I feel. With every breath I wish your body would be broken again, they should be broken the way I am. I still hate you. And I know you know it. Our marriage is fine. Don’t tell me lies anymore. “You want apologies”? she says to me. And the answer is yes.

    the scars will forever show,
    her

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