For me, last night wasn’t about sex. I was SO excited to see you. I had missed those skype calls while you were over there. And I almost couldn’t believe I was actually holding you, wearing your dogtags.
When we were talking about what you’re gonna do when you get out, and you said, “Well the girl I’m gonna be with, you. . .” My heart leapt. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but still. It felt so good to hear.
But then this morning you were joking with your friends, and you mentioned doing blow off the counter while I was waiting for you in the shower. I wasn’t sure if you were telling the truth or not, cause you’re rarely serious, but it crushed me. I felt this huge shift in what I thought last night was. It went from being about seeing me, to getting laid while you were high.
I hate this. I really hope it was a joke. Although I doubt it was.
I wanna be the girl who makes you smile. Who makes you feel safe. Who you can’t wait to see. I wanna meet your family and cook for you and wrestle and play with you. I’m afraid that won’t happen, but I’m hoping you’ll surprise me and let me in underneath your shell. Please let me in.