It’s been almost three weeks since it happened. It’s been 2.5 since you said we needed to take a break. It’s been a week since I last heard from you because I want to give you your space. But since you declared a break I haven’t really cried. I haven’t been able to shed a tear. I wanted to stay positive and think that everything will eventually get better and when I see you at thanksgiving break we will be stronger than before.
I can’t take off that ring you gave me. You told me I should keep it and I convinced myself I didn’t deserve to wear it any more but I can’t leave my room without it.
You are almost a 1000 miles away. All I want is to be able to see you, hear your voice, read a message from you. But I know your limits and I respect them.
But I still hadn’t cried. And I cried last night. I was talking to L back home and I cried telling her how much I missed you and wanted you, no, NEEDED you in my life still. I miss being able to go to you when my day sucks. Being able to skype call when I have to do boring homework so you can keep me focused. Everything we used to do. I miss holding your hand. I miss seeing your blue eyes sparkle behind those converse glasses. I miss your unruly hair. Your laugh, your smile, the way you hold me in a hug, watching movies together. I cuddled watching a movie with someone else this weekend. And every time I looked at them I thought it was going to be you.
I wanna tell you that I’m finally planning on getting that tattoo I want. The heartbeat line that forms a heart. I feel like I’m just missing a huge part of me without you to talk to. Thanksgiving is too far away but I can’t afford to fly out to see you with the possibility of hurting both of us. I’d take a bus if WV hadn’t eliminated the greyhound buses.
You are my world and if only you’d let me show you that, maybe I could gain your trust again. After 3 years I still get butterflies thinking about you. My heartbeat gets faster and I get excited and giddy like it’s our first date all over again. Remember that date? I called you but you didn’t answer. And then you called the next day and I confessed that I liked you. And you gave me a chance.
I haven’t missed out on college life by dating you in anyway. I’ve just had a different college life. One with never-ending support and affection from 1000 miles away. I know you’ve been hurt before and now I’ve done it but now I know just how much I need you now that you might go. I don’t just love you, I’m in love with you, I’m crazy about you. My sis tried to tell me to move on earlier this week. It hurt me so much that she would say I was crazy to hold on to this hope that we can work through this. But I do have hope because after you said we needed a break, you said “I love you” in that soft, quiet, sweet way that speaks a thousand emotions to the heart.
I love you CB and I miss you like I miss chips, because I haven’t had any since 3 weeks ago.
I Love You I Love You I Love You. aluyu goose