i miss you. and i know i’m not supposed to. i’m supposed to hate you. you ruined my life. you took my mom’s life. but you’re still me dad. i hate how you only get one. one mom, one dad, and that’s it. and now you’re gone, you’re both gone. and i don’t have another one. i wish i could talk to you. i want you to know that it really means alot to me that you try to talk to me. i know i never respond to your letters, but i read them. i keep them. i think about them. they are so important to me. i just can’t reach out to you yet. i’m not ready for a relationship again yet. i still need you. i’ll always need you. i’ll always be your little girl. but i need to not need you right now. it’s crazy how i don’t even care what really happened. the truth is, the truth doesn’t matter. whatever happened, mom still died. it’s done. she’s gone. and nothing can change that. but then again, the truth does matter. i hate not knowing if i should believe you. if i should trust you. if i should love you. i do love you. you’re my daddy. you always will be. and i will always love you dad. no matter what happens or what you do or how long it is since i’ve seen you or talked to you. i know i will talk to you again one day. i’ll be your little girl again one day. just not today. i’m not ready yet. but please keep writing. please keep trying. i miss you and i love you.