I won’t send this because I am trying to give you space. I know things have been ridiculous the last couple months. I hope that things aren’t ruined. What we have can’t be so easily ruined, can it? I don’t know what’s going on. I am so confused. I know I’m the one that said that we shouldn’t talk. But I wrote you that letter apologizing. What’s wrong? I don’t believe you when you say that you just don’t have much going on in your head so there’s nothing to talk about. That doesn’t even make sense when I think about all the wonderful nonsense we always talked about before. I don’t know what to do. I want to let you be, give you time to do what you need to do and live your life. I really do, but I’m so in the dark. If I knew that’s what you needed, I think this would be so much easier. If you would just tell me what you need, this would be so much easier, even if it was still difficult or if I didn’t like the answer.
Are you trying to forget about me? Are you too hurt to talk to me? Do you think this is the best for us? What’s the game plan here? This is so hard for me, is it hard for you? You are constantly on my mind. I can’t help but wish I was living my life with you here with me. I had just gotten started loving you.
I miss you so so so so so so much. That first weekend we spent together was the best weekend of my life. I don’t think I ever told you that even though I’ve told other people. It was magical in a real and tangible sort of way. You are amazing.
I love you. You know that don’t you? You told me to come back to you. I want to. But will you be there when I come back? I have to know. I have to look for a job and that means deciding where I’m going to live. I want you to be a part of that decision. But I have no idea where you stand. You said that you would follow me wherever I was when I got back. I hope that’s still true. I have never felt the way that you make me feel. So comfortable with myself. So easy and free. We match. You’re what I want, everything I want, everything I’ve ever wanted.
I don’t know what the right thing is to do but I know we can fix this together.
Please talk to me. I am so sorry for those last few weeks. Don’t let that stressful ridiculous time ruin what we have. How we deal with this is showing me how we’ll deal with things if we have a future. This is important. Severely important.
Lover lover, I love you I love you I love you.
Come back to me.