Archive for October, 2010

Things I Miss

College, this new exciting world
It’s supposed to be where you find your best friends for life, but I often find myself missing my past

I miss my sister really, we became so close our senior year of high school. Now we try to talk everyday but sometimes that doesn’t work. Our birthday is coming up. I wish she understood how much I miss her. I know college is fun, but as the emotional attached twin I wish she knew I cry often because of how much I miss her. This is the longest I have been away from her. I miss our drives. I miss our late night chats. I even miss the fights. I miss the hugs when I’m upset. And I miss the way she understood when no one else did. Most of all I miss this summer and all the secrets and connections that are impossible to explain.

Little does anyone know I thought about transferring there, because being away from her is possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

But she can never know

-m

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Family Stuff, Grief, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You

 

Sorry

I don’t really want to date you. I just like holding your hand when I’m drunk.

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4 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Short -n- Sweet, Sorry, To You

 

College Confuses People

Babe-

You gave me the world, I waited for you for several years and than you dated my best friend, and even after that I still wanted to be with you, even as a freshman in high school. Then instead of wanting a romantic relationship I settled for a friendship, which, to my surprise, was the best idea I ever had. Our junior year when it all fell together and the rest of high school were some of my favorite memories I have from those 4 years of growth. Than after a painful break up, simply to “save” our relationship right before college left me confused and alone.

Now we write each other letters, you text me every morning and night, and after 2 months of crying I centered my emotions toward a new guy, who ended up being a jerk but it helped me loosen my grip on the past, on you. He was the first guy I kissed since you, and yet I just keep texting you like nothing ever happened. When that ended I found someone new. Just a friend to have a fling with, but I told him this is as much as it could be, because the truth is, that as much as my feelings have gone down, you will always be there. and as much as it hurts I feel so alone here without you and have to keep trying to find someone to fill your place

(more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Anger, Confusion, Friends, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Yearning for You

 

Another Statistic.

I refuse to be another eating disorder statistic.
I refuse to be another obesity statistic.
I refuse to be another low self esteem statistic.

Things are changing starting right this moment.
Not tomorrow, or next week, or next month. No, this minute. At 12:07am on Monday.
I refuse to count every calorie though, I know for me that isn’t healthy. It will lead to slowly cutting them out until I am not getting enough. Or hating myself for having a certain number.

But I will start with just making sure I eat three normal sized meals a day, plus a snack.
And work out, three times a week.
That seems like the healthiest way for me to go about this. I can’t get obsessive this way.

I want to be able to say, a few months from now, I don’t have an eating disorder.
I want to say it and not be lying to anyone.
I also want to say that I love myself. And that I am beautiful, and that I am deserving of love.
For once.

I want things to change, and for once. I am going to follow this through.
I’m done being a statistic.

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Inspiration, Love - Pure and Simple, Self-Esteem

 

Thanks for the enlightenment

I didn’t realize that all we had was a friendship for almost two years because “a relationship without sex is just a friendship.” Thank you for telling me how you really feel about me. F*** you!

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3 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Eff Off - You - or Up, Grief, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Short -n- Sweet

 

Him to Her as a friend

Hey. I know we haven’t talked much lately but how have you been?

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1 comment. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Short -n- Sweet, Thinking of you

 

Someone Loves You

I’m not actually sure whom this is to. I have no idea which address I would put on the label if I ever actually sent it. I hope that enough people take the time to read it that it actually makes a difference in someone else’s life. I’m only 18 years old, still counting down the days until I become 19. Forty-one days in case you were wondering. I just want to share that little bit of knowledge I have attained in my short 18 years.

I met this girl in middle school and we had an off and on relationship since then. I never knew what was supposed to happen between us and for that reason I always kept her close, but at a distance. I guess from that I learned that you need to jump into life wholeheartedly and when it doesn’t work out then you have your answer. If you swan dive blindly, as my buddy and I discussed, you at least know if it was meant to be and when it doesn’t work out, you know to move on.

Another experience in my life was going through a depressive suicidal stage. I was in and out of therapy. However I felt like I was too good for therapy and didn’t open up. Just so you know, that defeats the point of therapy.

I did learn confidence somehow though. I learned that not everyone is faking it when they say they are there for you and I just wish that feeling stuck. One of the hardest things for me is to keep myself believing that my friends are actually there for me. (more…)

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2 comments so far. Click here to comment. | Posted in: Inspiration, Love - Pure and Simple, Positive Vibes, Self-Esteem, To Everybody

 

I’m so lost

To my friends,

I’m sorry I’m probably the worst friend you’ve ever had. Sorry I hurt myself on purpose and don’t even realize it. Sorry for all the depressing thoughts that spill from my mouth and roll off my fingertips like mental poison.

I’m sorry I can’t find a reason to take the medicine, even though they tell me my heart will explode if I keep going down this road. I’m so sorry that even last night, when it felt like maybe my heart was exploding, I couldn’t think of a reason to get up and take the medicine that’s supposed to be saving my life.

I know it hurts you every time. It’s just that it’s so hard to even think of a reason to stop.
My family doesn’t see, and the only time you notice is when I feel so bad that I can’t even move.

I don’t blame anyone, it’s just that I’m so lost and scared I don’t know what to do.

And all I keep doing is racing blindly to what I’m told is my doom.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Abuse, Depression, Grief, Regret, School

 

To The Boy With The Bleach Blonde Hair

You’re cute,you’re nice, you can act, you can sing, you write poetry, you’re sweet and caring. Basically you’re everything I want and according to you, I’m everything you want.

Let’s make this work, Kay?

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Interested?, Short -n- Sweet, Smitten, Yearning for You

 

One More Day

I’ve always been the most logical person, because I know the heart can be misleading. But with you it’s different; it’s more right than anything has ever been. If I saw anyone else talking about marriage after knowing each other less than 4 months, I’d say they were crazy. At the risk of sounding cliche, it’s different with us. So here goes everything, I’m all in. Sure I’m scared, but it’s okay because every day is one more day of forever with you.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Marriage, Positive Vibes

 


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