• To a soldier that was mine once

    by  • September 29, 2010 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye, Grief, Heartbreak, Letting Go, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    “I’m miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground, and I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms.”
    (snow patrol)

    I’m confused. I don’t know how we got to this place. I know that’s a cliche. Trust me I know. There was no closure to us. To our situation. There was nothing. There was a momentary silence, a few words and then a disappearance. And I guess I’m wondering how you, after everything, how you could just turn away? I told you I would remain away if the evens happened the way they took place, and as hard as it’s been, I have. You will receive no letters in the mail, no care packages, no emails. No phone calls, because I deleted your number the day I realized that we were truly over. For good. There was no turning back at that point. But today…today I have to say goodbye soldier.

    That song will forever be dedicated to you. I hear it and it brings tears to my eyes. Gosh I believed you. Your adoration of me was so believable, but I know now, it couldn’t possibly be real, because to have someone be that in your life, is not so easily tossed to the side. You forget so quickly how I’ve been there. I’ve been there everyday waiting for you, faithfully, for you to get off of work and tell me about your day. I’ve been the person that has carried you through hard days, days where there are 3 or 4 rocket attacks on base. Days when a bullet has flown within a couple of inches from your head. Days when you just don’t think you can be in that desert anymore. Days when you were considering re-uping. Days when you were happy and warm. I made you feel at home, I was your safe place in the war zone. And now? Now I’m no one to you. It’s as if I never existed in your life. It’s as if you’ve never seen my face of kissed my lips.

    I didn’t think I would care as much as I did. I felt I was prepared for the worst. But this? This is worse than you being genuinely dead. Because you are so perfectly alive but I can’t touch you, I can’t speak to you, I can’t see your face or your eyes…This? This is torture.

    I must say goodbye to you…I must. I know I can’t make contact, so this site has provided what I think I need to get it out of me…

    Goodbye B.J.S.

    Gosh I will miss you. I do miss you everyday. I lay in bed at night wondering where you are. I lay in bed hoping that you’re in the air somewhere thinking of me. That you’re smiling if you do think of me. Because I smile. And then I frown, because you aren’t my reality everyday when I wake up. I miss you. But this is goodbye. I know I already said it. And it might take a couple more letters to get it out for good. But one more time, to reinforce, here it is…

    Goodbye B.J.S

    Related Post

    Leave a Reply