• Not a mother

    by  • September 28, 2010 • * Safe for Work *, Family Stuff, Frustration, Grief, Knock it Off, Love - Pure and Simple, Parents • 1 Comment

    Dear mom and Dad,

    I really hate how you expect me, your daughter, to look after your youngest child. Did you forget that I was the one who offered, putting aside my plans to go out of state for college? Did you forget that you offered to pay me, in the beginning, but when chips were down I didn’t expect any money? Do you forget that I’m an adult?

    Yes. I could tell by how dad snapped at me for only telling him last minute that I was going to hang out with friends. Got mad at me for not telling him sooner, since he’s tired and not prepared to look after his own daughter.

    Then why did you decide to have another kid?

    Yes. I know because you’ve never offered to pay me unless I’m absolutely broke, and now that I have money, you made me pay you back for my school books, even though it cost less than what you were going to offer me monthly. Even though it’s nothing compared to how much I put in to watching my sister.

    Yes. You treated me like a slut for being the only girl at a boy’s party, even when I slept in my own room and was under parental supervision at all times. Even when I’ve never dated anyone in all my life, haven’t even held anyone else’s hand. Even though I’m nineteen years old.

    You don’t even ask me anymore, you just expect it, like I’m a well trained dog. What did mom say when I tried to get out of it? Put it as: “So, you’re trying to get out of your childcare responsibilities?” Last I checked, she’s not my kid. Then when I talked about moving out, what did she say? “Well, you can either go out with your friends and hope for the best, or you can tell them that you have an obligation to your family.” What selfless words to say to your daughter.

    It fascinates me, how even though you worry over me the least, you expect the most from me. No one else is expected to watch your baby. Your oldest son can do no wrong, even if he sleeps in till one if he can get away with it. Your other daughter can get away with sleeping over at her boyfriend’s house every night, and only shows up to pick me up for school at her leisure, not caring about my class. No one expects either of them to look after the baby.

    And if I want a day to myself because I’m sick of being stared at as if I were a single mother, or because I’m starting to forget who I am, then I’m damned selfish, aren’t I? Or if I just don’t want to play with her anymore because I want a moment’s quiet, that’s terrible, right?

    At least back in high school boys looked at me once in a while. Now, I’m invisible. No one sees me walking, and I’m not too sure I see them, anymore.

    I always put my family first. I don’t think you guys can see it, or appreciate it anymore, and for that I’ve grown bitter and jaded. However, I love my sister, and I love you, too, so I’ll put up with it for one more year. One more year of being treated as a child, one more year of being taken advantage of.

    One more year, and that’s all.

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    One Response to Not a mother

    1. Cassie
      April 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      i relate to this letter so much. im going through exactly the same thing with my mother. ive practically raised my little sister since she was born. im 18 and still watching her on all my days off. i never have time for myself or for anything. im forgetting who i am too because i dont get a chance to talk to anyone or do anything for myself. and she never appreciates me one bit but i just cant stand up to her because shes my mother so i keep doing it. im glad im not the only one in this position and i hope both of us can get out of it to live our own lives! you deserve it.




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