Everyone in my life:
I’m not ok. I’m spiraling: lost. I feel so much potential within myself that cannot be found through the system. College is not for me. The order, grades, and constant cramming. Three years wasted on a Biology degree. I did well, got the grades, passed the classes… but I started going to school to learn, and I learn multitudes until I started taking classes.
Why is it necessary to get an “education”? I can understand if it teaches necessary skills. But knowledge? Knowledge is found through self-discovery and independent research. I could do so much more with my life outside of college. I could be happy, living through my passions and wonder. I have more talent than school allows me to display.
I would quit, but the damn system. Anyone without a college degree is seen as unintelligent and uneducated. But most often, the most educated are those who personally devote themselves to the study of their passions.
I still love medicine. I want to study the effects of ethnobotany.. specifically ayahuasca. Again, the stigma. The spiritual and biological ramifications of this substance is mind blowing. What is it about the Western ideals that keeps an open mind from surfacing.
If I suddenly leave you all, and pursue my happiness.. know that it wasn’t you. Call it selfishness, and self-centered ideas.. but you comment daily at how depressed and emotionless I have become from the one happy-go-lucky and positive person I once was. I’m still here.. I’m just burdened by “responsibilities”. Those responsibilities that have nothing to do with necessity or existence. I love you. But I want to love myself again.
This letter is as disjointed as my mind. Do not try to convince me into therapy simply becasue my methods of self-discovery are not conventional. I’m not crazy. I know exactly what I need. But you frown upon it. Let me live.