• I’m leaving you

    by  • September 28, 2010 • Advice, Goodbye, Inspiration, Letting Go, School • 1 Comment

    Everyone in my life:

    I’m not ok. I’m spiraling: lost. I feel so much potential within myself that cannot be found through the system. College is not for me. The order, grades, and constant cramming. Three years wasted on a Biology degree. I did well, got the grades, passed the classes… but I started going to school to learn, and I learn multitudes until I started taking classes.

    Why is it necessary to get an “education”? I can understand if it teaches necessary skills. But knowledge? Knowledge is found through self-discovery and independent research. I could do so much more with my life outside of college. I could be happy, living through my passions and wonder. I have more talent than school allows me to display.

    I would quit, but the damn system. Anyone without a college degree is seen as unintelligent and uneducated. But most often, the most educated are those who personally devote themselves to the study of their passions.

    I still love medicine. I want to study the effects of ethnobotany.. specifically ayahuasca. Again, the stigma. The spiritual and biological ramifications of this substance is mind blowing. What is it about the Western ideals that keeps an open mind from surfacing.

    If I suddenly leave you all, and pursue my happiness.. know that it wasn’t you. Call it selfishness, and self-centered ideas.. but you comment daily at how depressed and emotionless I have become from the one happy-go-lucky and positive person I once was. I’m still here.. I’m just burdened by “responsibilities”. Those responsibilities that have nothing to do with necessity or existence. I love you. But I want to love myself again.

    This letter is as disjointed as my mind. Do not try to convince me into therapy simply becasue my methods of self-discovery are not conventional. I’m not crazy. I know exactly what I need. But you frown upon it. Let me live.

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    One Response to I’m leaving you

    1. The Good Writer
      September 28, 2010 at 9:02 pm

      I support you seizing your own destiny like this. It’s true: Western culture especially places so much EMPHASIS on a college degree… It’s no longer as much a measure of one’s intelligence, so much as it is a measure of one’s “education.”

      I don’t have to tell you that you are still quite smart (something people often feel self-conscious of when stepping away from school). That’s apparent in your letter. But the college environment (at least the larger institution) isn’t always conducive to harnessing one’s best potential.

      I hope that you take your journey, but that you don’t completely leave the people who care about you behind. Of course they’ll be worried about you if you just abruptly up and go. Sometimes we’re burdened pretty bad by people’s expectations of us. Your people may not respect the decision you had to make, but for sure, they need to see that you still succeeded and did what you set out to do on your own. To an extent, you may even relish being able to show them that you DID do it on your own.

      I wish you the best on your journey. I just urge you not to leave them behind completely.



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