I just want you to know, I really like you.
I have for two years now.
You make so happy at times. I love your silly antics and our interaction. I love how
affectionate you are with me. How you care when I’m upset. How you always notice.
I love how intense your eyes are when you look at me. Like if you look at me long enough maybe you’ll figure me out.
I like how you want to figure me out.
But I’ll never be more then a friend to you. There’s so many other girls you could have. And then there’s the one girl you want, who just dumped you… Yet, you’re still traveling two hours to go see her. You’re still making plans that requires you two to share a bed.
You’re not going to let that relationship end. Even though I can see very clearly it won’t get better now that she lives in another place. And I know from talking to her that almost all of her ex’s stay friends with her. And how they often call or text her saying how much they miss her.
You don’t see that she’ll keep you hanging on, but never return to you.
Still, what hurts the most is how different I am to you than your female friends. I really am still a friend to you, but while you’ll hug all your other female friends in greeting, you never do me.
You treat and acknowledge them as females.
You don’t me. You treat me as one of the guys. Anything that makes you view me in a feminine way is rejected.
I don’t understand. I’m girly. I do girly things and I dress in girly clothing. I’m an emotional train wreck, though I may hid it better then most girls. I’m rather busty and I most definitely have curves.
While I’m not gorgeous, I’m not ugly either. I’m more attractive than a lot of girls you have no issues making comments about their breasts.
But I talk about how hard dresses are to find because of my chest size with another girl who made the same comment, and you immediately tell us to stop.
And when the other girl asks why suddenly it bothers you, since you had no issue the other day with the discussion about it between you two, you point to me and say “I don’t want to hear about her’s.”
Why? Why do you treat me so differently? It’s bad enough you’ll never return my feelings, can’t I at least know you see me as a girl?
I’m just so tired of these feelings. I want them to stop. I want to stop liking you. You’ll never see me as anything other then a friend. And not even a female friend at that.
I give up, but no matter how many times I say that, it doesn’t make me stop liking you.
It doesn’t stop me from brightening up when you walk into the room. It doesn’t stop me from being happy when you pay attention to me. It doesn’t stop the longing. It doesn’t stop me from getting mesmerized by your eyes as you study me.
“I give up” isn’t the end, but you’ll never know how much I wish it was.