• only 2 months until thanksgiving, only 2 months until thanksgiving, only 2 months until thanksgiving…

    by  • September 27, 2010 • * Safe for Work *, Grief, Loneliness, Love - Pure and Simple, Parents, Yearning • 3 Comments

    Dear mommy,

    I messed up.

    This isn’t the college for me. It’s all wrong. I gave it a chance. I tried to make friends and go out and join clubs but the fact is that it’s not working. I have nothing. I miss my friends from home and I want my old life.

    I keep telling you that it’s ok here and I’m doing fine but I’m a liar. I’ve become good at that over the last month. Telling friends and family how great it is here.

    I’m sorry that I’m lying to you but I know if you knew, it would break your heart. Anyways there’s no point in telling you because you can’t help me. Only I can though I can’t figure out how.

    But I want to tell you. I want to call you bawling my eyes out (because I do everyday) and have you tell me that everything’s going to be ok. And then it will be. But that won’t happen because there is no cure. So I can’t tell you that I’m miserable. I won’t tell you that I’m depressed and just want to go home. I can’t tell you that I’m drowning here.

    Can I have a hug please, mommy. Because I miss you.

    much love,
    youre secretely struggling daughter

    3 Responses to only 2 months until thanksgiving, only 2 months until thanksgiving, only 2 months until thanksgiving…

    1. Ren
      September 28, 2010 at 12:09 am

      This is exactly how I felt my first semester at school. I would bawl everyday and sometimes not even get out of bed. Every smile was contrived and all I wanted was my long distance first love that was at a great school, partying, meeting new people. Please hang in there because life is full of adventures. After you get used to being on your own you’ll see that you can do anything you want, involve yourself in the thing you love the most, get a job (seriously I wish I had it’s a great way to meet people) and try to see the possibilities you have in front of you. I swear you won’t feel this way forever because when I was there it was like a black hole was closing in on me. Now my heart is bursting with sunshine. Every day is a new experience. I hope these words bring you even the slightest glimmer of hope <3

    2. Lauren
      September 28, 2010 at 4:41 am

      I agree with Ren. It may not seem like it at this very second but it does get better. I didn’t have a roommate last year so I was utterly alone, I would stay in my room all night watch movies and cry myself to sleep. I stopped eating because I didn’t even want to go to a dining hall. But I made a few friends and found what I love at my university. It’ll be okay. 🙂 One day you’ll realize.

    3. Michael
      September 29, 2010 at 5:41 pm

      I agree with them yet, I’ll tell you something slightly different. Never rely on others its wonderful to have friends and all, but remember college isn’t about having friends or partying thats only a plus. College is really about another stage in adult hood, educating yourself, pushing your limits, and getting your degree. If you can’t find a job or you don’t like organization you join then find a hobby that makes you happy. Don’t rely on others to make you feel happy. I know its difficult to not have emotional support around, but remember your there for yourself not to make friends or party.

    Leave a Reply